Glee: Sexy & Scary In All The Wrong Ways

Last night, New Directions put on the Rocky Horror Picture Show, and shockingly enough, the creepiest and most sexually-inappropriate thing about the episode was Will Schuester.

The episode opens with Quinn lip-syncing as a set of impossibly-white teeth sings, “Science Fiction/Double Feature.” Then we jump into the middle of dress rehearsal as the kids perform “Over At The Frankenstein Place.” Suddenly, a leather-clad Uncle Jesse walks onstage and screams, “Schuester, you messing with my woman?” Freeze frame on Will, who voiceovers, “How did a production of Rocky Horror turn into my horror?” Well, that’s a tale that’s bizarre, yet unusually boring!

Flashback to a week ago. Emma is telling Will about how her boyfriend Carl took her to a midnight showing of The Rocky Horror Picture Show and she had so much fun she forgot all about her debilitating fear of nasty movie theaters. Will realizes, “He’s actually making her better. He’s winning!” Clearly, the only thing left for Will to do is lure her away from her sweet and supportive boyfriend by forcing his students to stage Rocky Horror Picture Show.

While pitching this idea to the kids, will makes up some BS story about teaching them the value of “self-expression” and “pushing boundaries,” but leaves out the part about trying to get in Ms. Pillsbury’s pants. Rachel and Finn will play Brad and Janet, Artie will play the guy in the wheelchair (natch), and Schue wants Kurt to play Dr. Frank N. Furter. Kurt protests, “There’s no way I’m playing a transvestite in high heels and fishnets and wearing lipstick,” because apparently after weeks of bullying Kurt about his sexuality they’ve finally broken him. Mike Chang volunteers to take on the role instead because he’s developed a taste for speaking.

Over at the local TV station, Sue is complaining in a “Sue’s Corner” segment that Halloween has become, “the day when parents encourage little boys to dress like little girls and little girls to dress like whores and go door-to-door browbeating hardworking Americans into giving them free food.” She explains fear is the true meaning of the holiday.

Afterward, she’s approached by new station managers Barry Bostwick and Meatloaf who promise Sue she’ll win a “local Emmy” if she does an expose on McKinley High’s production of Rocky Horror.

Sue asks to be involved with the show, so Will lets her play the criminologist. Later he tells Emma, “That’s why Sue’s been a bully all along — She just wants to be included.”

Mike Chang drops out of the show because his parents aren’t cool with him “dressing up like a tranny.” Carl visits Emma, who’s the costume director, to show her some ensembles that could work for the show. This scene totally reminded me of the time a local dentist showed up in the middle of the school day to play with lingerie in my guidance counselors office!

Carl auditions for the part of Eddie by singing “Hot Patootie” in front of the kids. Will says he can’t offer him a role because he only needs Dr. Frank N. Furter. Carl replies,

I’m sorry bro. I think it’s fine to wear the Frank N. Furter bustier in the privacy of your own home (I’m freaky like that), but don’t you think it’s a little inappropriate in a high school musical? I mean at least if I play Eddie I won’t have to grind up against the students.

Mercedes offers to take the role instead, because this is her only chance to have a lead role. Apparently it’s totally okay to have a 16-year-old girl grind up against her classmates while performing “Sweet Transvestite” in this:

Meanwhile in the B plot, Finn doesn’t want to perform in only his underwear because he has body issues. The guys gab about their abs while working out and Artie shares his theory about how porn has warped women’s minds.

Sam, who’s playing Rocky, isn’t self-conscious about his glorious abs:

Until Will takes over the role so he can strut around shirtless in front of Emma (and presumably the rest of the student body).

But first, he asks her to rehearse “Touch-a, Touch-a, Touch Me” with him in a classroom. As Brittany and Santana spy on them from the window, they see their guidance counselor ripping off their teacher’s shirt:

And Schue’s o-face:

Emma runs out of the room and tells Carl what happened, leading us back around to the first shot of Will and Carl fighting over Emma in front of his students.

Finn misses this scene because he’s busy walking down the hallway in his boxers:

Sam’s advice that the part of Brad is “about being confident in who you are and how you look no matter how douchey you are,” inspired him to head to rehearsal in his costume.

Figgins suspends Finn, but Will talks him out of it. His ill-advised plot to win Emma over continues to unravel when he discovers Sue is planning to protest the show on TV. After Sue makes a reasonable argument about the limits of free speech and pushing your sexual agenda on minors, Will admits she’s right and cancels the show.

He tells Emma, “The reality is I only did this to get close to you… Let’s face it. Carl is actually making you better and if I really love you I need to back off and accept the fact that at least for now, being with him is the best thing for you.” How big of you, Will!

In the third stop on his apology tour, Will tells the kids a story about Rocky Horror being for outcasts, not envelope-pushers, saying the original fans were, “People on the fringes who had no place left to go but were searching for some place, any place where they felt like they belonged. Sound familiar?” Barf.

The Glee Clubbers are understandably disappointed about being pawns in Will’s moronic attempt to score with their guidance counselor. However, he makes it up to the kids by letting them perform Rocky Horror for “themselves,” or rather, a one-man audience consisting of Will.