Personally, every December turns into a scramble to find
gifts that top the previous year’s—or a scramble to find an eclectic boutique where I can do one big shop for every loved one in my life. And every year, without fail, I find that the hardest person to shop for on my very long list of people I care about is that one friend who won’t shut up about their vintage loot.
Look, I can empathize. On the rare occasion that I receive a compliment on any of my thrifted threads, I get a dopamine rush equivalent to five consecutive Juul hits. But I swear owning pre-loved items gives us some sort of god complex. Like, do you think your clogs are cooler than mine because some quite possibly deceased person previously owned them? Do you think you possess a certain je ne sais quoi just because your sweater vest smells like mothballs and mine is from H&M? Are you morally superior because you dug through bins at Crossroads to uncover that tattered “gem” you’re wearing, while I, an unconscionable consumer, clicked four buttons on Amazon? Well...yes, actually, you are.
As the nation is set to experience shipping delays fit for the end times and the IPCC can hardly convene let alone throw together a plan to delay global warming, it might be time to put up a personal picket line on fast-fashion gifting. Earth will thank you, and you can feel morally superior forevermore rather than letting your sister claim all the glory after gifting the entire family reusable dish towels.