It’s the most oppressive time of the year, when average people are asked to become mind readers and figure out the absolutely perfect gift for that special someone in their life, or just that regular person who is really judgey about gifts. Being a born-again Muslim I have cast off the chains of Christmas oppression and no longer feel this pressure, however, my partner and his family are Catholic so I still must participate in the annual secret Santa even though Santa is an infidel. But another story for another time!
If you too must buy a gift for someone against your will (and your wallet’s), then might I suggest a gift that will keep on giving? That’s right, the gift of an enhanced marijuana consumption experience! This election cycle, there was one definitive winner: drugs. Several states legalized or decriminalized marijuana and the stock market responded to the wonderful news with cannabis arrows pointing all the way up. And last week, the House voted to decriminalize weed at the federal level and “expunge nonviolent marijuana-related convictions” (the Senate has yet to vote on the bill). So here are a few suggestions for that person in your life who no longer has to sneak around and send coded texts to their dealer to have a good time.
There are potheads and then there are the pot-curious. In order to spread the gospel of the ganja, some people need a gentle gateway. That’s where CBD comes in! CBD is a great stepping stone to the full THC experience and comes in a ton of different varieties. My personal favorite is in the form of topical oils which can aid in the constant backaches I’ve been getting from working at home on a shitty chair because I refuse to build an office in my one-bedroom apartment.
A nice oil I recently tried that also isn’t an oil is the CBD Salve Stick from Mendi Co. It’s a neat packaging for oil that is easy to spread without spilling the shit all over the place which I’ve done. The stick contains 500mg of CBD in two ounces and has a bit of a strong eucalyptus scent, which is a turn-off for some people but I didn’t find it overpowering. Mendi also sells CBD massage oils which I’ve not tried but might be someone else’s flavor.
Another oil option that is more traditional and derived from CBD along with some other soothing herbs is the Hemp Massage Oil line from NurseGrown Organics. This was sent to me as a free sample and usually, once I am done with a free sample I bid it farewell and never think about the item again—but the Deeply Rooted oil which has a blend of lavender and rosemary essential oil has made such an impression that I will be adding to cart once my current bottle goes empty.
The best thing that ever happened to me while I was still a lost soul attending church is when a boy I liked gave me a Tupperware of weed brownies after service one day. The brownies were not good but it was the thought that counted. If you want to give good thoughts without the hassle of making a potentially bad brownie, consider gifting a weed cookbook.
Another helpful tool for the budding chef (pun intended) is a handy herb grinder or even a food scale to really make sure weed measurements are correct and the flavor of the cannabis doesn’t overpower the actual food item. If I were still friends with church brownie boy I would gift him these items but alas, he did not like me back and dated my sister-in-law so I’m pretty bitter—just like those fucking brownies.
In states that already have functioning dispensaries or even CBD shops, the best gift can be a pre-roll from a local vendor or even a gift card. If you’re a super lazy gift giver then send some money via Venmo to your friend and tell them it’s exclusively for the use of herbal purchases.
A small business my partner found online during his quest for a sleep aid is Brwnbox, located in New Jersey. Brwnbox sells an assortment of CBD flowers, honey, oils, bath bombs, pre-rolls, tinctures, and topical creams with delivery available in all 50 states—literally anything you could possibly need other than THC. New Jersey was one of the states that voted to legalize recreational marijuana use so once that law is signed sealed and delivered, small amounts of THC will likely become available in stores.
If you’ve got a pal that’s been smoking longer than they’ve been alive then that person probably has everything they need to light it up, dynamite, as the kids are saying. So just get them a cute pipe or a cute rolling board and hope they invite you over to smoke five years from now when it’s safe to share joints again.