Get Excited to Impulse-Buy $5 Wine at Target 

Ah, Target, a marketplace perfectly designed to induce spur-of-the-moment purchases. Walk into a Target feeling emotionally vulnerable, and you’ll walk out $200 lighter, carrying three different cotton nightshirts, a nine-pack of Swiffer replacement cartridges, a pink trashcan, and a some kind of chocolate-covered potato chip. Oh and is that a large bag of sour gummy bears? Why not! And you’ve always wanted a set of Mets tumblers. Should you get outdoor string lights? They’re on sale. You should also throw a mini bucket of cinnamon gum in your basket at check out. What were we talking about? Oh, right, now they’re selling $5 wine.

That’s via Today; the line is called “California Roots.” Let’s pause to appreciate some truly incredible press release writing:

Loving all these incredible new brands debuting at Target? Well you might wanna sit down (and grab a glass or two), because we’ve got some delicious news. We’re introducing a new line of wines with profiles—and prices—that’ll have you sipping for joy. Say hello to California Roots: Five wine blends carefully crafted with premium, California-grown grapes. And the best part? All this pure vineyard-to-table goodness is just $5 a bottle—and only at Target, starting Sept. 3.

Is not all wine “vineyard-to-table”?

The wines join such wine-related merchandise as:

• A t-shirt that says “red wine & blue”
  
• Wine glasses that say “cheers”
  
• 9 million wine racks
  
• A kitchen mat covered in wine names
  
• This “smile there’s wine” canvas wall art
  
• These decals of wine bottles for your kitchen
  
• A framed poster of a dog in a top hat drinking wine
  
• A wall clock covered in—you guessed it—wine