German Sex-Ed Book for Young Children Is Too Raunchy for Germans, Even

Germans are notoriously comfortable with sex and nudity. Go to any beach around the world and there’s a 93.2% chance that the first grandpa to take his speedo off is German. So when a bunch of parents in Berlin got uppity about a sex-ed book, it definitely means something.

A book called Where Do You Come From? (Wo kommst du her? for those of you desperately seeking to make some use of that German 101 class you took in college) was shown to first graders in an elementary school in Berlin. Recommended for ages 5 and up, it’s noticeably more explicit than any sex book seen stateside: Multiple cartoons of a couple named Lisa and Lars (get it? They’re German) feature Lars’s erect cartoon penis, with one cartoon depicting a blushing Lisa sliding a green condom over Lars’s Zuckerstange.

Some of the text made parents a bit nervy too: “When it’s so good that it can’t get any better, Lisa and Lars have an orgasm,” says one passage. “The vagina and penis feel nice and tingly and warm.” Man, this stuff reads like 50 Shades of Grey for first-graders.

Even the chillest of chill German moms and dads started to complain about the raunchy book, which probably induced the first boner for many-a-Berlin elementary school boys. The school didn’t take any action on the subject until the story was picked up by local press, although school administrators say they still have the book available but that it is “not accessible to the children.” Maybe the some of the teachers don’t know how to put on a condom yet?

“Where Do You Come From” was published in 1991 by Loewe Verlang publishing house with Pro Familia, a German family planning group. Loewe Verlang will not be reissuing the book because “the text and illustrations are no longer up do date.” Yeah, guys. Green condoms are soooo early 90s. Get with it.

When do you think it’s appropriate for kids to learn about the explicit details of sex?