Georgia's Senate Run-Off Race Is Already Horny I Guess

By Joan Summers | November 9, 2020 | 9:45pm

News Politics

Georgia's Senate Run-Off Race Is Already Horny I Guess

Georgia will head into a runoff election in January. Until then, all eyes are on the race between supervillain hair model Kelly Loeffler and Democratic challenger Raphael Warnock. Elsewhere, the nation will desperately clutch its face while Republican incumbent David Perdue competes against Democrat Jon Ossoff, who raised millions during his campaign after he lost the House race for Georgia’s 6th Congressional District in 2017.

Those millions actually broke Georgia election milestones. In a report from October, Ossoff raised $21.3 million, more than any other Senate race in the state. And still he is headed to a runoff, with a growing number of eyes on the campaign. The direness of the race is one factor, but there’s also the fact that Ossoff is “hot,” to some people.

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Yes, the Georgia’s 2021 Senate runoff, the outcome of which will determine control of the Senate, might be influenced by the horny energy of electoral-process crazed, terminally online Twitter users. The sheer number of “Ossoff is hot” tweets in recent days tells me that Jon Ossoff Twitter has caught an unfortunate case of “Beto O’Rourke disease.”

It’s not just the curse of feigned horniness working against him, there’s also the fact that Ossoff lost his first run-off race against Karen Handel back in 2017. But let me not jinx the proceedings. If extreme lust for an extremely Aaron Sorkin walk-and-talk can secure a win for Ossoff, then let me not be the one to misdirect these impassioned prospective voters.

In the election theater hell I’ve been trapped in, throughout which the country has heard a lot about Trump and very little about actual policy positions, let me take a brief minute to list some of Ossoff’s various proposals. AJC reports that his healthcare policy features a “public health option.” Ossoff vows to back access to generic drugs, and bolster Medicare’s power to negotiate prices in the interest of the consumer, but is against Medicare for All’s government plan proposal. In the early days of the race, he told Georgia broadcast station WALB that he is “passionate about exposing and rooting out corruption.” And contrasted against Senator David Perdue—a millionaire CEO who found the time to possibly insider-trade on Senate coronavirus information but not warn his constituents about it, and came under fire during the primaries for antisemitic attacks against his opponent—Ossoff might as well be a saint.

But hey, maybe he is “hot.” Did everyone see how “hot” he is? Look! Maybe he is “hot.” Peel that mask off like a Magic Mike XXL character if that’s what it takes to win this Senate seat, Jon!

Thankfully, some have acknowledged that mounting thirst for Ossoff is most likely a byproduct of the heady “pandemic and a post-election comedown” cocktail.

Still, can Ossoff pull it off in January, after an already failed run-off election in 2017? Dear god, I hope so! It’s “lanky tall man” Twitter’s time to shine—they’ve been preparing their entire lives for this!