Frankly Speaking, the Queen Doesn't Give a Fuck About Repeating Outfits

Princess Diana’s former butler Paul Burrell revealed in a recent interview that Queen Elizabeth likes wearing her “costumes” more than once. I’d gasp, but almost nothing surprises me anymore. And really, there’s only so many pastel suits in the world. Regardless, the entire process is laden with the bizarre formalities beloved by the British aristocracy. It includes: two trips up the stairs, two trips down the staIrs, two potential outfits, and one incredibly beleaguered butler.

As he explains:

“Her dresser will bring down two outfits in the morning, which are sketched with pieces of material clipped to them so that the Queen can remember whether it’s silk or cotton or wool. The one the Queen picks is the one which is brought downstairs from up above so she doesn’t actually see her wardrobe with clothes in it.”

In an act of charity expected of the colonizers of the modern world, she’ll wear her favorite outfit in excess before tiring of it and handing the worn-down garment to her “dresser,” who can “either wear it or sell it.”Glad to know she couldn’t give a fuck! (I do the same, except it involves a trash bag of worn out sweatshirts I spend my days blogging in.)

Imagine being the queen’s dresser: your boss hands you the lemony tweed skirt-suit you’ve spent the last decade mocking with the rest of the palace staff. She urges you: “Wear it, Peter!” Sobbing in her closet upstairs, you squeeze into the petite Chanel. You hear the seams ripping, and your sobbing intensifies. Midway through the torturous process, you hear a bell twinkling in the distance: “Peter! It’s time for me to depart, and I require my umbrella!” You waddle down the stairs, where the Queen and her corgis await.

Outside, photographers can barely hide their abject terror at the sight of a royal handler wandering the grounds in the Queen’s iconic outfit. They wonder if the alleged feud between Meghan Markle and Kate Middleton has finally reached a tipping point. “Wow, things are getting pretty tense inside the palace.” The Queen, softly petting her favorite corgi, remarks: “Peter, that fits you quite nicely!” The corgi yaps in agreement.