Food in the House of Lords Is Not Fancy Enough, Complain Fancy Jerks

Oh, noooooooooo. Diners in the upper house of the U.K. Parliament are getting right stroppy about the current House of Lords restaurant options (all of which are taxpayer-subsidized) thanks to small wait lists, less than satisfactory cappuccinos and the lack of Chilean wine on the wine list. And don’t even mention the poor woman who was refused a table and couldn’t lunch elsewhere because she was wearing a tiara. The shame of it all!

The complaints, recently released through the through Freedom of Information laws, become increasingly ridiculous when you realize just how little the peers of the House of Lords pay for their fine dining experience. According to The Independent, a full roast dinner costs only £9.50 ($15.52) and peers are given a “£300-a-day expenses allowance for attending the House of Lords.”

As Member of Parliament Maria Eagle (of the Labour party) points out:

“These complaints are completely out of touch at a time when so many families are struggling to make ends meet, thanks to the Government’s cost-of-living crisis. They should be grateful not to be one of the half a million people forced to rely on help from food banks since April, despite Britain being the seventh richest country on the planet.”

The whining does indeed come off as out of touch (at best) and disgusting (at worst), but — luckily for us — it’s also funny. In fact, many of the complaints from the wealthy diners at the House of Lords are so comically overblown that they might as well be expressed by generic rich people cartoons.

For a good laugh, imagine all of the following complaints being lodged by pigs dressed in top hats and monocles:

One impassioned Lord complained of a 15-minute wait to be seated, which they said lost “some of the finesse of the afternoon” and left their guests unable to “eat the beautiful cake selection” in time.

LET THEM EAT CAKE.

Another member decried the “chaotic litter of small tables” in the Lords’ tea room after its rearrangement over Easter.

Oh, heavens!

And the best for last:

…Another said he had been left “scarred” after his dinner booking was cancelled suddenly. He complained that his wife was “unable to lunch elsewhere” because she was wearing a tiara. The Lord recalled: “We were only saved by the kindness of [a fellow peer] who offered us the use of his nearby home to change in and took us out to lunch.”

We’ve all been there.

Poor peers. Know this: As you tuck into your tax-subsidized foie gras and scallops, the people of Britain are praying for you.