Florida Cops Suspended for Giving Justin Bieber an Unofficial Escort

On Monday evening, just a few days before he was arrested for drag racing under the influence in Miami Beach, Justin Bieber was escorted from a Miami-area airport by several Florida police officers because that’s just the sort of first-class treatment celebrities should expect from our public servants. For their act of celebrity safeguarding, however, those officers have all been suspended because their Bieber escort was completely unauthorized and inappropriate.

Each celebrity is a little piece of cultural treasure, and police, firefighters, soldiers, public transit authorities, and DMV employees all have an unspoken duty to safeguard our treasures. The key, however, to carrying out this mission of cultural vigilance is discretion. The three officers who escorted Biebs from the airport were not, apparently, very discreet about the whole thing.

Opa-locka Assistant City Manager David Chiverton said this weekend that the officers provided an unauthorized escort to Justin Bieber, and would be suspended because, “All escorts must be approved…whether it was Bieber or anyone else, for that matter.” Anyone else. Brendan Fraser? Needs approval. Ricardo Montalbán’s cadaver? Needs approval. Former pop sensation and Florida resident Vanilla Ice? Approval.

The officers are suspended without pay pending the results of an investigation. Rumor has it that they escorted Biebs all the way to the door of a strip club, the King of Diamonds, where they bundled up their dignity and handed it to the Canadian Prince of Pop as a uniquely Floridian souvenir.