Florida Congressional Candidate Says She Was Abducted By Blonde, Well-Dressed Aliens As a Child

A Florida congressional candidate is in the news for her history of going on talk shows and claiming she was once abducted by stylish, long-haired aliens, with whom she discussed everything from the existence of God to the beginning of the universe. This revelation does not even crack the top 100 most insane things to happen in politics this year, but it is a nice mental break from discussing the actual batshit people running the country, so let’s proceed!


Bettina Rodriguez Aguilera, a Republican, is running to replace Rep. Ileana Ros-Lehtinen, who intends to retire at the end of this term. Aguilera formerly served as a city council member in Doral City, as well as its economic development director, though her positions on actual issues are somewhat difficult to find, buried under endless commentary of her wacky belief that she was abducted by aliens when she was 7-years-old. A sexual predator may be in the White House; his second-in-command may be a Stephen Gammell drawing brought horribly to life, but sure. Aliens. A bridge too far.

Several years ago, Aguilera took to Spanish-language television stations to share her story, in which she describes the aliens as “female journalists with long, lustrous blond hair.” From the Miami Herald:

She described “going up” inside the spaceship — though whether it went into space or just hovered around town was left unclear.

“I went in. There were some round seats that were there, and some quartz rocks that controlled the ship — not like airplanes,” Rodriguez Aguilera said.

While inside, the aliens chatted with Aguilera about all sorts of things—an island with 30,000 skulls in a Mediterranean cave, that the world’s energy center is Africa, and that God is a universal energy. In another interview, she said the leggy space creatures reminded her a bit of Jesus Christ, and that they made multiple visits over the course of her early life.

Reached by the Herald for comment, Aguilera wrote:

For years people, including Presidents like Ronald Reagan and Jimmy Carter and astronauts have publicly claimed to have seen unidentified flying objects and scientists like Stephen Hawking and institutions like the Vatican have stated that there are billions of galaxies in the universe and we are probably not alone. I personally am a Christian and have a strong belief in God, I join the majority of Americans who believe that there must be intelligent life in the billions of planets and galaxies in the universe.

Never forget that former Hillary Clinton adviser (and before that, former Bill Clinton chief of staff) John Podesta is an apparent (and firm) believer in extraterrestrial life, and that statistically, it seems totally preposterous that we’re alone in the universe. As for why aliens haven’t bothered to pay a visit to Earth: If you were a blond, full-figured alien, would you feel comfortable dropping by here?



I was abducted as a child by a blonde, blue eyed white guy in a dress, but it turns out it was just Jesus coming into my heart. I managed to expel him using the devil’s herb in college.