Florence Henderson and Ivana Trump Are Getting Laid More Than Me and I Love That

Illustration for article titled Florence Henderson and Ivana Trump Are Getting Laid More Than Me and I Love That

Today, in quick succession, two important facts were revealed unto the world: that Florence Henderson, 81, has multiple “friends with benefits,” and that Ivana Trump, 66, has “about three boyfriends.” These women are getting it left and right, and I am 9/10ths thrilled for them and 1/10th so upset!


“Absolutely, it’s very healthy for the heart,” Henderson told the New York Post at the Go Red for Women Red Dress Collection show, which she walked in.

“I think no matter how old you are—and I am pretty up there in terms of numbers—I think you should do whatever makes you happy,” she said. “If you want to wear long hair or wear that dress, as long as you’re not hurting yourself or anybody else, I say do it. If you want to go out and have a romantic sexy affair, do it.”

And in an interview with the Daily Caller, Ivana Trump discussed her orange ex (“I think he would be a great president”), her social life (“Once I have eaten and danced, and I have spoken to everyone, I want to go to bed”), and migration (“I spend winters in Miami, spring and fall in New York, and in summer, I have a 300-year-old fisherman’s house in St. Tropez”).

And you can be REAL sure that Ivana, like Florence, will not be staring at her phone waiting for a text from some demon with a lofted bed come Valentine’s Day, nor will she be sitting on the subway listening to an entire Norah Jones album and thinking about, hey, maybe writing a thank-you note to Norah Jones:

I have about three boyfriends! I’m definitely not getting married again, and I definitely don’t want to have children anymore, but I have companions.

Fuck yes, ladies. You are living the dream.

Contact the author at ellie@jezebel.com.

Images via Getty.




Does a woman of 66 really need to clarify that “I definitely don’t want to have children anymore”?

Unless Ivana is a magical menopause avoiding wizard....