FBI Offended By DiCaprio's Humanizing, Homosexual Portrayal Of J. Edgar Hoover

Though the poorly-received film J. Edgar attempted to show the public that J. Edgar Hoover isn’t quite as monstrous as he’s believed to be, FBI agents are still furious over the Clint Eastwood film due to its numerous historical inaccuracies. Just kidding — they’re only upset about the gay thing.

Bill Branon, a former agent and chairman of the J. Edgar Hoover Foundation, tells the Washington Post:

“I don’t know anyone who’s not extremely upset … It’s not only because of our admiration for him. It’s the fact it’s just not true. If it were true, it wouldn’t be the worst thing in the world. But don’t do that to the poor guy when he’s dead and gone.”

It would only be sort of bad to tell the truth about an icon’s homosexuality, but you simply don’t accuse a dead man of having feelings for the man he was oddly close to. (Even if his inability to express his love for his friend is the only thing that makes audiences feel bad for him.)

Maybe the problem is that the agents haven’t seen the film. The older men who worked with Hoover say they admired him for “his role in building up the FBI and instituting several law enforcement innovations, such as crime labs and fingerprinting databases” — which is exactly what the movie is about. As for Hoover’s homosexuality, other agents insist they never saw him and Clyde Tolson engaging in any romantic behavior. However, if the film is accurate, other agents wouldn’t have noticed anything, unless Hoover and Tolson went to a gay rave when I made that bathroom run.