Express Delivery: Liveblogging Sarah Palin's Tea Party Speech

The former Alaskan governor is set to deliver the keynote speech at the National Tea Party convention tonight to a crowd of approximately 1,100 people, though many more will be watching at home—including us. Here we go!

10:05 pm: So here’s the breakdown: Palin repeatedly noted that the Tea Party didn’t need a leader, perhaps intending to sidestep the headlines that would have pegged her as one, though she also repeatedly pledged allegiance to the party and noted that she felt the party was the future of the United States. The speech was filled with incendiary rhetoric, aimed mostly at President Obama, and though she spoke for 45 minutes, she really didn’t say anything important or memorable: in the first 10 minutes, she hit at least 5 of our drinking game words, which is pretty bad news for someone attempting to perhaps position herself as a new type of candidate than the one that was on the Presidential ticket in 2008. The speech and Q + A were filled with contradictions, as well: Palin praised the Constitution and those who adhere to it during her speech, then turned around during the Q+A and noted that we should all consider bringing “divine intervention” back into government, seemingly forgetting the separation of church and state. She rambled, stumbled, and lost her place several times, seemed quite rusty, and attempted to paint the Tea Party as a source of goodness and kindness in a world controlled by an evil “Professor of Law.” It was an expected speech, and a slightly terrifying speech, in that Palin said exactly what we expected her to say, which was basically nothing, but will get the headlines in major papers tomorrow, and perhaps begin her march toward the Presidency in 2012. (Yes, you can drink again.)

10:03 pm: Neal Boortz on MSNBC notes that Sarah Palin is “not going to be the Republican nominee for President of the United States,” and that if she is, it will mean “another four years of Barack Obama.”

10:00 pm: Palin says she’s “all for the bipartisan work effort that is needed in Washington, D.C.” But that she won’t make the promises if they can’t be fulfilled. MSNBC just cut out, C-SPAN is still running—the only thing you’ve missed is a goodbye and a thank you from Palin. “I have to apologize if I had anything to do with any of the controversy that any of the media spun up.” She’s “happy, honored, proud” to speak to the Tea Partiers and says it’s not about a title or a leadership position, “I will live, I will die for the people of America to help.” Once again, she notes that the Tea Party is “the future of politics in America.” Oh, dear.

9:59 pm: “I can think of two words that scare liberals: ‘President Palin.'” You got that right, dude. The crowd is now yelling, “Run, Sarah, Run!” Feel free to drink.

9:58 pm: Palin says she’ll be endorsing candidates and attending events to support candidates during the primaries, to help “find a challenger for the general.”

9:55 pm: “What’s the Palin plan?” A: “The Palin Plan? It’s quite simple.” She “gets a kick out of it” when “the elitists” say that she’s simple minded. She says her plan is to reward those who understand the principles of our country, which is hilarious, because she doesn’t seem to understand the principles of our country (see: divine intervention, about 4 minutes ago.) She is bullshitting. She has no plan. She just said “We win, they lose.” Her plan is the equivalent of the plan of the Hawks coach from The Mighty Ducks, apparently.

9:53 pm: “It’s pretty cool to see some of the blue dog Democrats peeking under the tent.” Todd Palin isn’t a registered Republican, but he’s the type of American, Palin says, who represents the voter who doesn’t want to get into the party system but are believers in the Tea Party movement.

9:53 pm: LOL @ the commenter who asked “Is that Superman’s house behind them?” The set is truly lacking.

9:52 pm: “It would be wise for us to be seeking divine intervention again.” Isn’t it hilarious how these people, who base their entire movement on the Constitution, seem to forget the ol’ separation of church and state thing?

From Andrew Sullivan’s live blog: “There is no question in my mind that Palin is the leader of the opposition in this country. And there is no question in my mind that she is the leader of the Tea Party movement. Listening to her completely content-free rehash of every Fox News truism, underlined with the classic claim that Obama is on the side of the terrorists and is incapable of being commander-in-chief. Cheneyism is behind her.”

9:49 pm: “I want the fresh folks to come out and run for office and start changing the world!” This is…terrifying.

9:48 pm: “The Republican party would be really smart to absorb as much of the Tea Party as possible.” Palin says the Tea Party is the future of the country. God help us.

9:47 pm: And now it’s time for the Q & A session!

9:45 pm: “From the bottom of my heart I thank you for being part of the solution. God bless you Tea Partiers, and God bless the U.S.A.”

9:45 pm: “This movement is about the people. Who can argue a movement that is about the people and for the people…” something something I have no idea. This is getting kind of scary.

9:44 pm: “The best of America can be found in places where people are brave enough to stand up and speak up.”

9:44 pm: Another reference to children with special needs. Is she crying?

9:43 pm: After a night of attacking the President of the United States, she asks that we “don’t get bogged down in the small squabbles.”

9:42 pm: Palin addresses the Tea Party’s crap reputation, and shames the Democrat elitists for attacking her children. She says the Tea Party members are “good and kind and selfless.” Perhaps she hasn’t seen any of the Tea Party protest signs?

9:41 pm: From Lincoln to Reagan to you, people who hold racist signs about the President on the White House lawn. Oh my god, she is messing up all over the place! Good lord!

9:41 pm: Freedom! Drink! She’s getting a little emotional now, also, too, as well.

9:40 pm: “The government that governs least, governs best.” Though I still want to make sure you can’t get married, gays, and that all your reproductive rights belong to us, ladies.

9:39 pm: Again, she mentions that the Tea Party doesn’t need a leader. This, I think, is her way of saying, “I’m with you, but I can’t officially be your leader because many independents think you’re all insane and they won’t vote for me.”

9:37 pm: “When they try to tell us to sit down and shut up, how can we best serve?” She notes that she views McCain as an American hero and talks about the 60 million people who voted for them. “Those voters wanted us to keep on fighting and take the gloves off.”

9:35 pm: New-cu-lar power. Twice.

9:35 pm: She wants to know what the Democrats motivation is. And now she’s talking about her favorite thing: energy policy!

9:34 pm: It is becoming increasingly difficult to follow her, as she’s rambling all over the place.

9:34 pm: Hard work! Drink!

9:33 pm: She’s now talking about “the good old boys.” Who does she think is in that room with her?
9:32 pm: Generational theft!

Roger Ebert is live tweeting the speech, and is clearly not a fan.

9:30 pm: “We’re drowning in national debt…and many of us have had enough.”

9:28 pm: “The list of broken promises is long.” She’s now going after Obama for breaking campaign promises. “Is that hope? Nope! That’s not hope!” LOL—nobody laughed at her corny joke.

9:27 pm: She’s now attacking Joe Biden and the stimulus package. This is kind of hilarious, right? She’s making fun of other people for wasting money? Hello? Campaign clothes? “Do you feel very stimulated?” Ugh. That will be used in inappropriate ways all over the internet now.

9:26 pm: “How’s that hopey/changey stuff workin’ out for ya?”

9:24 pm: She’s now claiming that the government is going to start bribing states with federal money and says she rejected said money. *cough* bridge to nowhere *cough*

9:23 pm She’s now at the part of her speech where she quotes everyone else, as she doesn’t seem to have anything of her own to say. Not anything she can remember or deliver clearly anyway. This is horrible. She’s just been on a national tour! Why is she stumbling so much?

9:22 pm: Drink, you guys. I don’t care. You need it at this point. God knows I do.

9:22 pm: She’s going after Obama again for blaming the majority of his problems on Bush.

9:21 pm: “It’s time for tough actions like sanctions on Iran.” She also thinks we “need a clear foreign policy,” and judging what she said earlier, that means bombing the shit out of everyone until they bow down.

9:20 pm: Remember when you had to give a book report in 2nd grade, and you got up and bullshitted your way through it because you hadn’t read the book? That is this speech.

9:19 pm LOL she just royally fucked up and referred to Alaska as a “beacon of hope” for the oppressed. She meant America. And…she stumbled again.

9:18 pm: To win “the war on terror,” Palin says “we need a Commander in Chief, not a Professor of Law standing at the lectern.” And…my patience is gone. Is she fucking serious? Really? 8 years of an idiot who bombed first and asked second were SO AWESOME for America, right? Remember?! 2000-2008!? REMEMBER?!?!

9:16 pm: She’s now mad at President Obama for allowing an accused terrorist to protect himself under United States Constitutional law. She wants to interrogate him before he gets a lawyer. And now…she’s missed a line. Wait! She’s got it. This is really bad.

9:14 pm: She’s focusing on the failed terrorist attack on Christmas Day. “The only thing that stopped this terrorist was blind luck and brave passengers…really it was a Christmas miracle and that is not the way this system is supposed to work.”

9:14 pm: She is stumbling all over the place. Good lord. It’s like watching a high school debate. Now she’s on national security. “We can’t spin our way out of this threat.”

9:13 pm King and Queen of the Tea Party, you guys. King and Queen of the Tea Party.

9:12 pm: Palin warns against the Tea Party movement clinging to one leader and celebrates it’s grass roots strategy: “This is about the people and it’s bigger than any King or Queen of the Tea Party, and it’s bigger than any charismatic guy with a Tele-prompter.”

9:11 pm: “There’s no perfect candidate. They’re gonna disappoint occasionally. But don’t get discouraged and sit it out, because the stakes are too high right now…put your faith in ideas.”

9:10 pm: Is her accent stronger or is it just me?

9:09 pm: She has not improved her public speaking at all. She’s stumbling and throwing out expected talking points (I’ve named at least 4 in the drinking game, for crying out loud). She’s focusing on Brown’s victory, which looks to be the strategy for conservatives going forward. Just a guy with a truck! Just a hockey mom from Alaska!

9:09 pm: Big government! Drink!

9:07 pm: Palin paints Brown as “just a guy with a truck” and mocks Obama for blaming everything on George Bush. “When you’re 0 for 3, you better stop lecturing and start listening.”

9:06 pm: “I believe in this movement…America is ready for a revolution (drink!) and you’re a party of it.” She says she’s ready to participate in more Tea Party events in the future. Shout out to Scott Brown. “In many ways, Scott Brown represents what this beautiful movement is all about.”

9:06 pm: Palin notably welcomes C-Span but not MSNBC. She’s now babbling about Sweet Tea vs. Iced Tea. Alaska! Drink!

9:06 pm: “Happy Birthday Ronald Reagan.”

9:06 pm: She starts off saying freedom three times! Drink drink drink!

9:05 pm “I am so proud to be an American!”

9:04 pm: And here she is! The crowd, as expected, loves her.

9:03 pm: I also think you should consider drinking whenever someone mentions Sarah Palin as a potential presidential candidate. For your own mental health.

9:00 pm: “This is the angry side of American politics.” As opposed to the side of American politics that’s super stoked right now?

8:58 pm: Ed Schulz on MSNBC just noted that 600 people signed up for the whole convention, and that Palin is being paid $100,000 for her speech. 600 people?! That’s…tiny, isn’t it?

8:57 pm: And it looks like we’re getting started here on MSNBC, lord help us.

8:45 pm: For those playing along at home, we’re going to be watching the speech live on MSNBC. C-SPAN is covering it, as well. If you don’t have a television, as a commenter pointed out, MSNBC and CSPAN are also streaming the speech online. To help you get through it, you might consider taking a sip of your drink every time you hear one of the following words/phrases:

Alaska
Ya know
Also
Real Americans
Freedom
Socialism
Hard workin’
Gosh
Hockey mom
Taxpayers
Big government
You betcha
Founding Fathers
Revolution
Change

Feel free to add to this list in the comments, or start drinking whenever you feel it necessary, also too as well, ya know.