Excuse Me, Miss, When Was The Last Time You Took It In The Hiney?

Illustration for article titled Excuse Me, Miss, When Was The Last Time You Took It In The Hiney?

Boom, anal sex! This something that has been covered before on this here site, but I'd like to know some of your thoughts and personal adventures with it. Please, share. For all of us.

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Personally, I can take it or leave it. As hot and sexy as it may be at certain times, the fact that there's the possibility my penis could end up looking like the little boy in Slumdog Millionaire after he jumped into the toilet pit always makes me a bit skittish. But, you know, it's a case-by-case basis. I have an open mind.

But what do you say, gals? Is it even worth the effort? Send me your best stories of anal sex and I'll send you a prize pack of, oh, things on my desk.

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I'll publish the top ones in these three categories (anonymously, if you'd like). Here's what I'm looking for:

1. Positive experience: Tell us about the time when the butt stuff made you all googly-eyed. I'm assuming this happened in a hostel in Prague or something.

2. Negative experience: I think the Slumdog Millionaire imagery should explain what I'm looking for here...

3. First time: Always memorable! I think.

So there you have it. That's your other crowd-sourcing assignment for this Labor Day. Please send your entries to ajd@deadspin.com. Subject: "Hiney Pumpin'" for the opportunity to win a crappy prize. Other than that, just share in the comments section like you usually do and let us all wonder what the fuck's wrong with you people.

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DISCUSSION

petejayhawk
petejayhawk thinks jim spanfeller is a herb

A few good things to keep in mind re: the buttsex.

1) If you think you're using too much lube, you're still not using enough. More lube.

2) You can't go from zero to cock in the blink of an eye. This shit (no, um, pun intended) takes time and practice. You start (GENTLY) with a well-lubricated finger. You get comfortable (physically and mentally) with that. You go up from there. Unless you're into pain, sex shouldn't hurt. Not even buttsex.

3) For god's sake, take a dump FIRST. An enema's not a bad idea either, but isn't necessary. If everything is evacuated and cleaned up properly, you won't be getting shit all over the place.

This has been a public service announcement from the Association of People Who Really Like Buttsex And Don't Care If That Hints At Unresolved Psychosexual Issues (a 501(c)(3) charitable organization).