A dispatch from the lip-locking Duggars beat: Jessa and her new husband Ben decided they might wait until marriage for their first kiss—but that didn't mean it had to be in front of hundreds of attendees, or on camera. Please note the speed with which they book it to the back of the church.

Of course, that didn't mean awkwardness was avoided. No, after they left, the pastor had to explain what was going on. "Did y'all happen to notice there was maybe a little something missing? Like, what's up with that?" He'll tell you: "It was their desire they would share this unique and precious time alone, intimately alone."

Then he kept going: "I can tell you right now, they're smooching. The bottom line is, the longer I talk, the more they can smooch in private. So if I can just have your attention for about three hours, that's what they—the first kiss is a long one in private, you know what I'm saying." HE'S SAYING THEY WANNA FUCK, GUYS. Of course TLC cut to Jim Bob and Michelle's facial expressions in this moment:

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Now, everybody pretty much figures you're leaving your wedding to bone (though it might take 24 hours because huge parties are exhausting). And many weddings gesture to this, with some ceremonial reference to the consummation or a particularly loaded reading from Song of Solomon or just somebody's random case of the giggles. Plus you'll get wink-wink nudges from people for months afterward. All that's pretty par for the course. But this? This is a lot!

Anyway if I were Jessa and Ben I would've kept running down the aisle, out the door, and at least two states away.

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Contact the author at kelly@jezebel.com.