Everything I Learned About Ben Sasse From Looking at His Instagram

Illustration for article titled Everything I Learned About Ben Sasse From Looking at His Instagram
Image: Kevin Dietsch (Getty Images)

I’ll be honest, I’m not the most electorally minded person. I’m too busy building guillotines, most days, so when the goons who run this country do cross my path, it’s always the weirdest ones.

Senator Ben Sasse is a man I only know about because of Chris Pratt, who, at one point, followed him and other Republican legislators (as well as Ben Shapiro, Madison Cawthorn, and PragerU) on Instagram. At the time, he was just some weird senator from Nebraska, with a punchable face, a corny Instagram, and a fucked-up haircut. In the weeks since I stumbled across him, however, I have learned he is an incredibly powerful Republican senator, and likely presidential candidate in 2024.

So here I am, back on his Instagram, like I often find myself doing whenever I happen upon another online gremlin like Sasse. For a future presidential candidate, my first impression isn’t a great one. This man could seriously do with a better aesthetic, if his intention is to keep doing evil for a living. Just look how terrible this choice of font is, for a conspiracy-laden post about China from last year.


I also find, more generally, that he has the face of a man I would actively avoid in public, or punch. Actually, it’s mostly the latter. This man has an extremely smug, and punchable face, especially when he is condescending to Planned Parenthood and celebrating a small crowd of anti-choice advocates.

That’s another thing about Sasse. This post was from January, and it’s the most recent on his work Instagram. His personal account was most active back in 2017, where he mostly posted pictures of sports games, or carnival food.


Can anyone feel the urge to just knock him over rising in them? That feeling in me isn’t helped by his often delusional stance towards the working class of Nebraska. In this post about a 90-year-old service worker, who Sasse says exemplifies the epitome of happiness. I’m sure she is plenty happy, from the photos of her on Sasse’s account, but here’s his summary of an economy that demands people well past the age of retirement work themselves to the bone, or stay on their feet far longer than they should, to meet basic living expenses.

Social science tells us that there are only four things that really make us happy: family, friends, a theological framework that helps us make sense of suffering, and meaningful work.


Unfortunately, Mr. Sasse, not even God has an answer for why Republicans want everyone to be underpaid, overworked McDonald’s employees.


It also bears noting that he is extremely anti-choice. One of those common themes on his Instagram account, throughout his career as a Senator, is how strongly he opposes abortion access. Except where some of his fellow Republicans come off as deranged, and conspiratorial, Sasse’s approach seems to be the more sinister one. In his rants about abortion access, he frequently smooths his words over with a healthy sheen of Christian moralizing about “friendly neighbors” and “loving your enemies.” With a presidential run likely in his future, I can’t say this bodes well, not when our Supreme Court is stacked with bigots.


His Senate hearings on the matter fill me with nothing but absolute dread.


Sasse also does this thing on Instagram, where he opines about American values in a suit and tie, claiming this or that is the “real spirit” of America as it is today. Here’s him on basketball, which is a Christian sport, according to Sasse.


Hockey also got this treatment, with a healthy dose of anti-Russian propaganda and red scare tactics.


College football as well:


Sasse has, in recent weeks, made headlines for congratulating President-elect Joe Biden. He’s also been frequently critical of Trump, like in a recent address to constituents, where he railed against the “he way [Trump] kisses dictators’ butts” But as the current president exits the White House—or is perhaps dragged out of there—it’s more important than ever to remember that Republicans were still architects of death and chaos before he was elected, and by the looks of the current party makeup, they plan on continuing that legacy well into the new decade.

Sasse coats his sinister politics with a silken delivery and well-tailored suits, but I won’t be fooled! Chris Pratt might, however, if he keeps following him on Instagram.

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Hi, Nebraska resident checking in. All democrats in NE know this. We are substantially outnumbered and for the next cycle or two there is no change in site.

He votes along party lines over 90% if the time, so he can call out dipshit all he wants, but his votes speak otherwise.

He will never be president. He is from Nebraska. The majority of the country still think we have no running water and ride horses to work (FLYOVER COUNTRY!)