Everyone Who Cried This Week on Bachelor in Paradise
LatestThe premise of Bachelor in Paradise is an absolute nightmare, which is exactly why it’s so much fun to watch.
Now in its second season, the Chris Harrison-hosted spinoff revels in its almost total lack of rules or format; it’s just a bunch of attractive, intellectually limited Bachelor/Bachelorette rejects milling around on a beach in Mexico, competitively trying to fuck each other. Whoever isn’t paired up by the end of each rose ceremony gets sent home; this week, the men had the power to hand out roses, which led to a horrific scenario in which two women, both desperately unattached, were forced to make out with a cartoonish douchebag in bright pink pants whose claim to fame is pretending to be gay on last season of the Bachelorette.
Considering the fact that they are trapped in hell with no A/C, it’s not surprising that there are a lot of tears almost right off the bat. Sure, everyone’s nice at first—complimenting each other on their teeth, warmly praising Jillian’s boob job—but the niceties quickly evaporate, with all the men immediately gunning for Jade, a soft-spoken ex-Playboy model, and the women for Jared, a chiseled, brooding restaurant manager with patchy facial hair.
Here is everyone who cried on this week’s two-day premiere.
Ashley I: 5-7 times? I’m honestly not sure
Ashley I., age 27, was last seen pacing back and forth in the Badlands, howling with childlike rage after being dumped by Chris Soules. Ashley is a self-proclaimed virgin and Kardashian lookalike who is waiting for the “Aladdin” to her “Jasmine.” Her favorite activities are a) reminding people that she looks like Princess Jasmine and b) sobbing. She quickly became obsessed with Jared, chasing the other women off (for now) with an aggressive 2-step strategy of calling “dibs” on him and displaying her severe emotional instability. Jared did not appear to be romantically interested in Ashley I., but her tactics were surprisingly effective—they didn’t hook up and probably never will, but he did give her a rose.