Everyone Thinks Rihanna's Pregnant

As the Rihanna bacchanal—Rihacchanal?—known as the Diamonds tour continues to suffer under the weight of four concert cancellations (Boston, March 10; Baltimore, March 12; Houston, April 15; Dallas, April 16) and late publicity appearances, the rumor mill was fed by her paparazzi-snapped exit from a Beverly Hills medical building.

Her reps say that she’s suffering from the flu and laryngitis, and her friends add that she’s depressed that her sickness is forcing her to let her fans down, but the tabloids persist on providing us with unsolicited Ri-Ri uterus updates that claim she’s got Chris Brown’s bun in the oven.

Nope nope nope nope. A source says: “[Rihanna] is just sick, and that’s really it. I know, that’s not a good enough reason because everybody wants some drama and the rumors that she’s pregnant to make the rounds, but sorry, not this time. She’s not pregnant!” [Hollywood Life, E!, TMZ]

Billy Ray Cyrus didn’t write much about Miley and Liam Hemsworth’s relationship in his memoir Hilbilly Heart (LOLZ) because he isn’t sure they’re gonna get married/she’s just being Miley, etc. “I don’t know, I really don’t. They’re young. They’re kids. The great news is, they’re great friends. They’re really, really good friends. If you end up getting married, that’s your business too, you know?” Miley’s gonna be sooooo maaaaad. [AOL Music]

Furthermore, when Liam asked for Billy Ray’s consent after he proposed, Billy Ray made a joke: “I jokingly said, ‘Can I be in your brother’s next movie?’ And then I said, ‘No, I’m joking.’ It was a good question. He never did answer … I should have said next two movies! And get me in that film of his too.”” What a funny joke! It’s so funny! He totally wasn’t joking! [TV3ie]

For the first time since 2011, Britney Spears is returning to the studio to record a single. It’s called “Ooh La La” and it will play over the credits of Smurfs 2. My palms might have started bleeding just typing that. Yeah wait no it gave me the stigmata. Cool. [L.A. Times]

Russell Brand informed Conan O’Brien that he attempted to get Tom Cruise to play Scientology’s Pied Pieper on the set of their movie Rock Of Ages, but Tom wasn’t biting. (Remember, this was around the dissolve of TomKat, so he had other things on his mind. Like aliens.) Brand told Conan:

“Every so often I’d say things like ‘oh Tom, sometimes I’m a bit lost in life’ to see if he would try and get me in and he’d go ‘oh yeh, I dunno, read the bible. Or ‘Tom, I wish I had a way of thinking more positively about the future.” [But] that man had no interest in getting me into Scientology at all… If there’s a cult that don’t want me, I want to know why!”

Ah, Russell. We like you godless and slithery.

Bryce Dallas Howard, who directed one of the Jennifer Aniston-produced lifetime shorts that comprise the five-part “Call Me Crazy,” said that mental illness had a special significance to her since suffering from post-partum depression after the birth of her first child in 2007. “It went untreated for eighteen months because I was just so ashamed and frightened. I didn’t know what it meant and didn’t know what happened to me. Getting to have an opportunity to tell a story that is about mental illness and how it affects one’s self and one’s community was really something that really meant a lot to me.” [Us Weekly]

“They’ll say, ‘Oh, he’s sexy,’ but women still go for guys who are 6-foot-2. “It’s nice that people are thinking outside the box, but I don’t believe any of it for a minute.” Peter Dinklage calls out your bullshit. [NYDN]
Katherine Jackson fears that Debbie Rowe’s testimony in the Jackson wrongful death suit might expose paternity secrets. [TMZ]
Edward Norton’s fiancee gave birth to their son. [Us Weekly]
Justin Bieber put a cartoon of himself in bed with a seemingly-nude “Belieber” on Twitter and everyone went rabid and thousands of parents across America decided, no, they did NOT know their own 14-year-old daughter anymore, now give them a fishbowl full of sauv blanc. [Page Six]
Whoopi Goldberg doesn’t give a flying fuckbutt who replaces Joy Behar and Elizabeth Hasselbeck on The View at all, like, AT ALL. “Let me tell you this about The View: I take a paycheck every other week. That’s all I do. I could give a shit what comes. I do my job — I have a contract. That’s where I stand. I don’t give a fuck.” But tell us how you really feel, Whoopi. [Us Weekly]
Regarding her potential biopic, Stevie Nicks “has told Reese [Witherspoon] that she’s almost too old.” Zingity zing. [People]
Sylvester Stallone’s mom shops at the 99 cent store. [TMZ]
Gabby Reece didn’t mean women should be submissive, she just meant, um, women should be submissive. [HuffPo]
Kanye West will be the musical guest on SNL on May 18th. [Page Six]
Shortly before Sharon and Ozzy Osbourne’s split, they made a 911 call about a burning candle at 4:45 AM, with Ozzy sounding incoherent. [TMZ]
Nicki Minaj to Mariah Carey on American Idol:”Simmer down, sir.” A+ [HuffPo]
If you want your Krysten Ritter fix, the final episodes from Season 2 of Don’t Trust The B- In Apartment 23 will be released online soon. [Vulture]
Amber Rose got a big old inking of Wiz Khalifa’s face on her arm. [Bossip]
Everyone wants to fuck Idris Elba. Not news, but I like that picture of Idris Elba, and this is MY horse and pony show. [Bossip]
Mark Wahlberg isn’t a fan of the spray tan. [Page Six]
Dammmmn. Nick Lachey on going on a date with Kim Kardashian in 2006: “Let’s just say this: We went to a movie. No one followed us there. Somehow, mysteriously, when we left, there were 30 photographers waiting outside. There are certain ways to play this game, and some people play it well.” [Bossip]
Meanwhile, Kim K is getting her karmic comeuppance by growing hair all over her body because she’s pregnant (??!) [TMZ]
Jennifer Aniston goes “cupping” (an Eastern medicine procedure involving hot glass bulbs placed on the skin to drain toxins and stress). Stars are still just like us, you guys. [E!]
Here’s Girls’ Jemima Kirke kissing jewelry designer Pamela Love, both in wedding gowns, from the catalogue of Stone Fox Brides. [People]
Will.i.am is going back to school to study quantum physics, although he already wrote his thesis on the subject, “Boom Boom Pow.” [CTV News]
I guess that $50,000 pen was just a decoy; Robert Pattinson gave birthday girl Kristen Stewart his grandmother’s opal ring AND THE BLESSING/CURSE OF IMMORTALITY. [Hollywood Life]
Lisa Rinna may join The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills. [Radar Online]
The writers of E!’s Fashion Police are officially on strike. [CBS News]
Jonah Hill bailed on three blondes to hang out with “an older woman” who happened to be Arianna Huffington’s sister. [Page Six]