Everyone Reportedly Leaked Jeff Bezos's Dick Pics

Illustration for article titled Everyone Reportedly Leaked Jeff Bezos's Dick Pics
Image: Associated Press

Amid reports that Amazon is considering pulling out (pun definitely intended) of New York City for its planned second headquarters, the mystery of who leaked Jeff Bezos’s dick pics to the National Enquirer is getting stranger and stranger.


While Michael Sanchez, the brother of Jeff Bezos’s girlfriend Lauren Sanchez, is still reportedly considered to be the “lead leaker” of the texts that the two exchanged—in which, I must remind you, Bezos called Lauren his “alive girl”—several sources told Page Six that other people are also suspected to have sent Bezos’s dick pics to the National Enquirer. “Michael was never even sent the d — k pics... I can’t imagine anyone wanting to send her brother a d — k pic,” an anonymous source told Page Six. Hard agree!!

Reportedly, Lauren found the photos of what I imagine to be Bezos’s other shiny head so amusing that she felt the need to show them to her friends, per Page Six:

Bezos lover Lauren is believed to have shown or forwarded the photos to close friends to brag.


Two Page Six sources said Michael is the lead leaker, although another source said of the revealing photos: “There are multiple possible suspects . . . Clearly, Lauren showed these photos to her girlfriends . . . for entertainment.”

Meanwhile, others are speculating that the Saudi Arabian government and Crown Prince Mohammed bin Salman is somehow involved, which, sure, why not! As Iyad el-Baghdadi, a writer and activist, shared in a Twitter thread (which was then reported by the Verge), “MBS had both the means and the motive to target Bezos. The extramarital affair—and MBS’s relationship with David Pecker—may have given him the opportunity.”

The Crown Prince of Saudi Arabia, Lauren Sanchez’s “friends,” my dog which maybe somehow asked Alexa to show her Bezos’s dick and then sent them off to the National Enquirer despite her lack of opposable thumbs—all possible leakers, each and every one.

Senior reporter, Jezebel


JujyMonkey: unstable genius

Michael Sanchez —-> lead leaker —-> David Pecker—-> pee tape —-> Donald Trump—-> KEVIN BACON!