Everyone Gets a Book!

If you’re in the path of that bich Florence please STAY SAFE!

Here’s all the shit we couldn’t cover today:

  • Stormy Daniels is writing a tell-all book about everything from her rough childhood to her alleged affair with President Trump, she announced on The View.“I’m going to write everything and include it,” Daniels explained.“And people can think what they want about me, but at least it’s the truth.” She plans on dedicating her book to her daughter.
  • Republicans are shitting their pants about the midterms. [Washington Post]
  • Omarosa thinks she knows who wrote The Op-Ed and it’s...... someone from Mike Pence’s team? [E!]
  • Bernie(’s son) wouldn’t have won. [Politico]
  • The House’s farm bill is, in a move of pure vindictiveness, really bad for formerly incarcerated people. [Think Progress]
  • Don’t expect any legislation about sexual harassment on Capitol Hill to be deemed important enough to pass before the midterms. [CNN]
  • Eric Trump made his father proud on Fox News:
  • While Nicki Minaj capes for Cuomo, Ilana Glazer of Broad City fame is using her titties to get her followers to pay attention to Thursday’s New York primary and vote Nixon.

Here are some tweets the president was allowed to publish:


This has been Barf Bag.

Staff writer, mint chocolate hater.


JujyMonkey: unstable genius

We got A Pluses for our recent hurricane work in Texas and Florida (and did an unappreciated great job in Puerto Rico, even though an inaccessible island with very poor electricity and a totally incompetent Mayor of San Juan). We are ready for the big one that is coming!”

1. Please share with the class who gave you the A pluses.

2. How was Puerto Rico inaccessible? It’s an island. We have ships and planes.

3. What exactly is “very poor electricity?”

4 Insulting the Mayor of San Juan; the person calling you on you bullshit. This must be the presidential pivot we’ve all heard so much about.