Everyone But Aunt Becky Is Doing Crimes, According to Aunt Becky

What’s Aunt Becky been up to, you think? As the world’s most famous shut-in and former made-for-tv movie star, I expect she’d be handling social distancing quite well. At least, that was until I learned her lawyers told the judge in the ongoing college admissions case that she is not the criminal—her prosecutors are!

TMZ reports that Aunt Becky (a.k.a. Lori Loughlin) marched herself into court Wednesday and informed the judge that the only criminals in the room were sitting to her left. Her lawyers’ argument, it seems, is that the U.S. Attorney’s Office “browbeat” Rick Singer into calling the money Loughlin had paid him a “bribe.” The defense also insists—still—that they were simply donations to her favorite educational institutions, and condemned the government’s use of wiretapping, calling it a “sham” concocted by federal agents to extract damning information from people who legitimately believed they were doing the correct thing. Sure, Becky!

While I’m not one to defend the government or FBI, let alone agree with their evidence-gathering tactics, there still hasn’t been an explanation for why Aunt Becky’s kids were photoshopped into sports pictures they did not take. That alone suggests there was some fuckery going down. Anyway, I wonder if Aunt Becky knows that she would probably be making movies again, or at least peddling sponcon with her daughters on Instagram, had she just accepted the plea deal handed to her last year. But now she’s stuck fighting a court case that everyone else in the world has moved on from. When she finally extricates herself from it, either by acquittal or sentencing, will there even be a world for her to return to? Probably not! [TMZ]