'Every Internet Conversation With Dudes' Is So Totally Perfect

Here are all the arguments you will ever have with every dude on the Internet ever.

Ijeoma Oluo wrote the definitive guide to every stupid conversation you will ever be forced to endure as a woman expressing your opinion online. She knows “The Dude” you have had put up with on your Facebook page who mansplains topics like rape, sexual harrassment and the wage gap every time you just want to vent.

He is the troll that lives under your Twitter feed. He is the unsilent-but-deadly flatulence of Facebook. He ruins everything. In particular, he can’t resist ruining a conversation about feminism. He lives in fear that a woman discussing feminism on the internet will be tragically deprived of his very important viewpoint

You will recognize and dread every single one of these, unfortunately. Like The Dude who remembers this one time in 1986 when a friend’s cousin’s boss’ brother had a woman do something shitty and therefor women don’t deserve equality:

Woman: There’s still a long way to go to achieve equality.

Dude: Not true! A woman was mean to me once.

Woman: That’s not what —

Dude: SO MEAN

Mr. MS Paint/Excel/Google Charts expert:

Woman: Well, for starters, there’s the wage gap.

Dude: It’s not real. Look at this chart I made.

Woman: But studies show —

Dude: CAN’T HEAR YOU, CHART

The Dude who has figured out the great secret of Feminism, which is that it only exists so women can have a platform for all their fake rape claims that help them become billionaires.

Woman: What about rape? One in five women are sexually assaulted.

Dude: Ehh, pretty sure they’re just saying that for the money.

Woman: What?

Dude: That sweet rape money

Sigh.

Dude: Your fight to stop rape and abuse is dumb.

Woman: Go away.

Dude: This is why nobody likes feminists, you don’t like to debate.

There they are. All the arguments you are subjected to by men on the Internet who know so, so much more than you about everything.