Ethan Hawke Says Angelina Jolie Is a Sexy Man-Draining Succubus

Illustration for article titled Ethan Hawke Says Angelina Jolie Is a Sexy Man-Draining Succubus

When asked recently if he had a favorite on-screen tonguing partner, Ethan Hawke picked Angelina Jolie hands-down. But it's not just because she's been working real hard on her jaw-kegels and tonsil-pilates—it's also because of the prophecy. Angelina, you see, is supernaturally predestined to kiss the best because she needs your man-souls for her food.

“My best onscreen kiss was with Angelina Jolie,” reveals Ethan.

“Angelina Jolie was born to whittle men, to make them weak. And when she kisses you, you don’t know your name.”


K. [Express]


"It seems that my titanium dental implants are the cause of my head pounding," he tweetedThursday. "Has anyone else experienced this? Thanks for all your replies."

The Diagnosis Murder star told fans back in April via Twitter, "my head bangs every time I lay down. I've had every test come back that I'm perfectly healthy," adding that his symptoms had been occurring for seven years.

Van Dyke's publicist told Entertainment Tonight at the time that the thesp bowed out of the event because of "fatigue and lack of sleep resulting from symptoms of a yet-to-be diagnosed neurological disorder."


Heads up to Dick Van Dyke—I'm going to need you to never die? Okay? Sometimes when I think about Dick Van Dyke dying I spend a whole week having anxiety dreams about eating my teeth. [E!]

  • Justin Bieber got a tattoo of some sort of porky swordsman. [E!]
  • A bunch of people are mad at Dane Cook for not making a recent set available on livestream. A bunch of other people sent Edible Arrangements. [E!]
  • Here is Lady Gaga's finger. [E!]
  • Stemmfield Garfdrew went outside. [JustJared]
  • Aaron Paul got married to this lady. [E!]
  • John Legend says he and Chrissy Teigen have picked their wedding date. The wedding will be "classic." [DigitalSpy]
  • Danielynn Birkhead might receive $49 million from the estate of J. Howard Marshall II. [E!]
  • Zac Hanson is making yet another, tinier Hanson. [E!]
  • Matthew Perry says being a famous alcoholic kept him sober, because nobody would serve him a drink. [Express]
  • Remember when this was what this was like? #highschool

Images via Getty.

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Rebecca "Burt" Rose

Here is Lady Gaga's finger.

I clicked that. I saw that and said "I need to see Lady Gaga's finger." I did that shit.