Sex. Celebrity. Politics. With Teeth
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Sex. Celebrity. Politics. With Teeth

Escaped Slaughterhouse Cow Takes Its Final Lap, Appreciates Life More Just in Time

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Earlier today, a cow fled a slaughterhouse in Queens, New York, and took a jaunt through the streets, delaying its eventual slaughter.

Before escaping captivity, the soon-to-be-dead cow was being held in Archer Halal Live Poultry and Meat Market.

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Various cell phone footage shows the cow running—almost skipping—in the streets, once again merging with mankind for a few moments longer before, well...you know.

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According to The New York Post, the cow toured its way through the busy streets of Jamaica Avenue, happy to be among people (and cars), and even entered a parking garage across from the slaughterhouse, which was a bad idea because, uh oh, the cops found the cow and took it back to the slaughterhouse, where........yeah.

As Hunter S. Thompson once said:

“Life should not be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in a pretty and well preserved body, but rather to skid in broadside in a cloud of smoke, thoroughly used up, totally worn out, and loudly proclaiming “Wow! What a Ride!”

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An employee at Pushka Pawn Shop described the cow as “very happy.”

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“He was like ‘Wow, I’m in the streets running!’” she said, humanizing the cow. “He was running back and forth, but he didn’t do anything to anybody.” A fellow employee added, “It was very nice to see a cow running through the streets.”

Unfortunately, the cow may well have been a ghost, or at least a future ghost. On Friday, something will happen to it.

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Contact the author at clover.hope@jezebel.com.

Image screengrab via New York Post