Emma's Teen Diary: 'HUGE NEWS! Henry Asked Me Out'

Welcome to Teen Week!

I kept a consistent diary from about age eight to 18. My late-teen entries are angsty and shallowly searching. The sixth through eighth grade entries, which I revisited at length last week, are essentially an exhaustive compendium of me and my friends’ crushes and boyfriends during that time (save for a very somber 9/11 entry, of course).

Illustration for article titled Emma's Teen Diary: 'HUGE NEWS! Henry Asked Me Out'

It turns out that much of my sixth grade year was spent obsessing over a classmate named Henry. He was new at our school that year, and he was a very cool skater boy. We had a whirlwind four-week-long romance, which involved a trip to the movie theater, a hand-holding date at the local skating rink, a heartfelt exchange of Valentine gifts, and a messy, public breakup during snack recess on the playground. You can learn about all the drama (and good lord, the drama! I had no idea I lived an entire season of Real Crushes at Green Street Elementary until I reread this shit) in the animated video above.

Illustration for article titled Emma's Teen Diary: 'HUGE NEWS! Henry Asked Me Out'

I texted Henry last week to see if he’d prefer that I bleep out his name. We’re older now, and living our own adult lives, but I loved that his response still felt appropriately teen:

Illustration for article titled Emma's Teen Diary: 'HUGE NEWS! Henry Asked Me Out'

He said it was fine. I thank him for being a good sport, and forgive him for breaking my sixth-grade heart.

Editor-in-chief, Jezebel

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The Noble Renard

God, I wish I could show you all this (I have a photo somewhere but I’d have to dig through FB to find it), but in 7th grade Spanish class I had one of those “ugh I hate you but secretly we like each other” relationships with a girl in the class. And we’d bicker so much because we were in the same friend group, and it got to the point that I drew up a formal “Restraining Order” that said we had to stay at least five feet apart, that we wouldn’t insult each other, and that we could only talk to each other if there was “a matter of importance” to be discussed. She didn’t agree to sign it but her “lawyer” (our intermediary friend) agreed to sign it for her. And we got the teacher to witness it.

We later “went out” for a few weeks before we “broke up” over AIM. There was lots of drama for a year or two after that too. God I was definitely such a know-it-all dick.

EDIT: I WAS SUCH A DICK. Seriously look at how proud middle-age me must have been over this totally legal heading: