Emaciated Matthew McConaughey Is Dreaming of a Very Specific Cheeseburger Feast

By Lindy West  |  November 17, 2012 | 1:00am
CelebritiesDirt Bag

So, obviously we all know that Matthew McConaughey has been majorly slimming down this season to achieve the ultimate bikini bod!!!!! physique of a dying AIDS patient. But once shooting is done, McConaughey says, he has a MAJOR CHEESEBURGER OPERATION in the works.

“I will have some 70 per cent beef, 30 per cent fat ground beef, maybe a half-pound cheeseburger with another three types of cheese. I’ll prepare it all and I’ll make sure that it takes three hours just to prepare.
“I’m going to have buns with butter on both sides, toasted and grilled. I’m going to melt the cheese on the top bun, Hellmann’s Real Mayonnaise. I want kosher dill pickles sliced nice and thin, diced white onions, slightly grilled until they get almost hard, and some thin jalapeno slices.

Hahahahahahahahaahahahhahaaaha, buns. [ContactMusic]

The executive producer of Liz & Dick defended Lindsay Lohan‘s decision to bail on her Barbara Walters interview and do Leno instead. Kind of:

“You should know that the Jay Leno interview was booked prior to the Barbara Walters incident,” Liz & Dick executive producer Larry Thompson tells me. “It’s not like she decided not to do Barbara Walters and then she was going to do Jay Leno.”
Thompson says he saw media schedule for Lohan that included Walters and Leno. “It’s not like Jay Leno was the default,” he said. “It had already been set.”
No matter what the outcome, Thompson said, “They say any publicity is good publicity and I just pray that adage remains true.”

OHHHHH, IF ONLY IT WERE POSSIBLE TO CARE ABOUT ANY OF THESE HUMAN SLEEPING PILLS. [E!]

Ugh, horrible: A Missouri dude was allegedly planning a mass shooting at a Breaking Dawn screening. Luckily, his mom turned him in:

“You’ll come across people who will make threats toward people and events, but they don’t actually take the substantial steps that he took in planning it out,” Ross said. “He got the idea, he purchased the guns, purchased the ammo, went out and practiced using the gun, got his venue, got tickets to the venue, then thought ‘Well, maybe if I run out of ammo, I need to pick a different venue.’
“He had taken every step he needed to take except for actually committing the act.”

I am never going outside again. [E!]

  • WNBA star Chamique Holdsclaw doused her ex-girlfriend’s car in gasoline and then shot it with a gun. [TMZ]
  • Peter Facinelli was “caught” holding hands with his costar Jaimie Alexander. [ContactMusic]
  • Here is a description of Ke$ha rehear$ing for the American Mu$ic Award$:
  • Ke$ha was surrounded by male dancers as she bounced around the stage in sneakers, striped leggings and a torn black T-shirt. She played a giant golden drum, was carried aloft by her dancers and closed the rendition of her new hit “Die Young” by writhing on stage as fireworks rained down overhead.
  • ‘Kay. [Yahoo!]
  • Miley and Liam went out to dinner. [ONTD]
  • Justin and Selena went to the Four Seasons. [JustJared]
  • Kendall Jenner Kylie Jenner blah blah blah clothing line blah blah stretch pants blah. [People]
  • Joe Simpson pleads no contest on his DUI charge. In grimmer news, his hair continues. [TMZ]
  • A Martin Luther King Jr. movie might be in the works. [Deadline]
  • Chad Lowe‘s wife gave birth, and it’s a baby!!!!! [Us]
  • dude

dude

LOL, PRANKED. [Twitter]

 
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