There are great many feelings a new parent might have when confronted with the reality of a first child: The preciousness and fragility of life, for instance, or the innumerable miracles that conspire to grow a tiny, defenseless being into a walking, talking, independent entity with dreams and hopes and fears. If you are Elon Musk, however, and pathologically incapable of expressing anything resembling a natural human feeling, you might choose to pose awkwardly with your new bundle of joy and remark on how dumb babies are, in that they can not yet harness rudimentary tools to more effectively consume natural resources.
Late last night, the fifth-richest man in the world tweeted this photo of his and Grimes’s aptly named baby, X AE A-Xii, one hand hooked around his pocket as if he were being being shot for a Forbes magazine spread, with the words “the baby can not use a spoon yet” in German:
Truly, we at Jezebel wish X AE A-Xii luck in all of his future endeavors, including growing up with this vindictive alien of a father and learning how to feed himself at an appropriate age somewhere between seven and 14 months from now.
Natalie Portman and a gaggle of celebrity friends have secured permission to start a National Women’s Soccer League team in Los Angeles, a team that will begin its first season in 2022. The predominantly female-founded investor group is called “Angel City,” though there has been no team name or venue announced. As Portman told Variety:
After spending time with the USWNT players, their union rep, and getting to know some of the owners of the NWSL and the league’s supporters, it became clear having a team in L.A. could not only elevate the league and players’ exposure, but also bring these incredibly talented women to the city of L.A. — my city.”
“We have the ability to engage, promote and support the best players in the world in the most popular sport in the world on a yearly basis, not just every four years.”
The venture’s partners include a long list of actors, entrepreneurs, venture capitalists, and athletes, including Jennifer Garner, America Ferrera, Eva Longoria, and Uzo Abuda, as well as Mia Hamm and 11 other former U.S. Women’s National Team players. Alexis Ohanian, the founder of Reddit, led the investment, perhaps as a way to make amends for the damage his social media platform has done to womankind. [Variety]
- Riverdale’s KJ Apa got a piece of metal stuck in his eye. Naturally, he posted a video of it to Instagram. [Hollywood Life]
- Paparazzi photographed Ashton Kutcher and Mila Kunis taking their kids out for ice cream and looking rather distressed. [Hollywood Life]
- In a 911 call, Tamar Braxton’s boyfriend told dispatchers the singer was upset with her network before he found her unresponsive in a hotel room. [TMZ]
- Below Deck star Captain Lee has been impersonated by Indian scammers in an elaborate online fraud. [Page Six]
- Gwyneth Paltrow’s daughter looks so much like her it’s actually kind of weird. [Page Six]
- Johnny Depp accused Amber Heard of cheating on him with pretty much every actor in America. [Page Six]