Elon Musk and Jeff Bezos Are Having a Dudefight Over the Moon

Elon Musk and Jeff Bezos’ dick-measuring contest has reached new heights, literally, now that they are officially waging war against each other over the moon. As if their mutual destructive rampage across Eart wasn’t already enough to worry about!

The Washington Post reports that Jeff Bezos’s Blue Origin has filed a formal protest with NASA over the organization’s decision to award Elon Musk’s explosion-prone rocket program a $2.9 billion contract to build the next lunar lander, which if successful would make it the first company do to so since the Apollo mission in 1972.

The Post also reports that other murder-technology government contractors like Lockheed Martin and Northrop Grumman had also joined Blue Origin’s “national team” to compete for the contract. The formal statement from Blue Origin reads:

“NASA has executed a flawed acquisition for the Human Landing System program and moved the goalposts at the last minute. In NASA’s own words, it has made a ‘high risk’ selection. Their decision eliminates opportunities for competition, significantly narrows the supply base, and not only delays, but also endangers America’s return to the Moon.”

Blue Origin’s chief executive Bob Smith called the decision “fundamentally unfair,” while Dynetics, another murder technology defense contractor who lost the bid, filed a protest as well. Everyone wants to get rich off this moon quest!

What’s laughable about this particular dudefight is that there is currently a semi-abandoned tunnel under Los Angeles that Musk formerly claimed would revolutionize public transportation in California, but later failed to meet that claim, and now it’s probably going to be a slower-than-driving conveyor belt for some Teslas every once in a while. This is not to mention the countless other failures and disasters of his public run as the world’s most famous monorail grifter, including, but not limited to: Rahm Emmanuel’s Boring Company disaster, the 135,000 recalled Teslas in February, the other 30,000 recalled Teslas in China back in October 2020, the numerous other Tesla failures in the last few years, allegations of a dangerous workplace at the Tesla factory, and the numerous deaths caused by Tesla’s “autopilot” system. Bezos, for his part, has an insidious reputation that greatly proceeds him, but how on earth does the dude think he can send people into space if his company can’t even find humane places for its employees to pee or take a shit?

With two billionaire enemies at the forefront of humanity’s next great leap into space, what could possibly go wrong?