Ed Sheeran Can't Stop Blowing It With the Royals, Must Die

Ed Sheeran with his MBE medal. Image via Getty.
Ed Sheeran with his MBE medal. Image via Getty.

Ed Sheeran, who is currently awaiting his fate in the Tower of London, violated royal protocol when he touched Prince Charles’s arm on Thursday while being awarded one of Britain’s highest honors, the Member of the Order of the British Empire (MBE) for his services to music and charity. May God have mercy on his soul.

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Whilst there are no “obligatory rules,” Buckingham Palace provides a curt set of recommendations as to the “traditional forms”:

For men this is a neck bow (from the head only) whilst women do a small curtsy. Other people prefer simply to shake hands in the usual way.

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In the usual way, which one understands to mean minimal palm-to-palm contact, not thrusting your treasonous fingers all over the Royal Highness’s arm like a freaking plebeian.

He also humiliated the entire kingdom last year when he said that Princess Beatrice cut his face with a sword when joke-knighting him, and he later had to backtrack and say she “allegedly cut him with a sword.

High marks, however, for not crying/sweating/pooping himself like most civilians would do.

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Staff reporter, Gizmodo. wkimball @ gizmodo

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DISCUSSION

mortal-dictata
Mortal Dictata

I don’t know why it is but I just can’t stand Ed Sheeran. Honestly I think it’s that he’s just so dull and generic for what he is.

In the beginning his “hipster guy with a guitar” image and tales of sofa-surfing were endearing but after so many years of that image combined with the frequently hanging out with Aristocracy and now being in absolutely everything (that painful GoT cameo anyone) it just comes across as just teeth-grindingly irritating.

It’s like a reverse Prince Harry who went from general pain in the arse to incredibly likable and respected.

Also on the Markle stuff the Sun is practically all the links so don’t give them the clicks, especially given how they’ve done a right royal turnaround given their history of barely hidden racial shite like employing Katie Hopkins.