E! Is Debuting a Nightmare Reality Show About Spin Instructors

E! has a new reality show coming out on June 7 called “Hollywood Cycle,” which is about that most stubborn of exercise “cults,” the spin class, and stars the scariest possible stratum of reality subjects: spin instructors.

According to a press release, “Hollywood Cycle” is about the “highly competitive world of indoor cycling at LA’s Cycle House,” which we know is the most exclusive cycling studio in Hollywood because Madonna went there last year one time and because the voiceover says so:

The series follows the “ride or die” lives of high profile instructors, along with three up-and-coming trainees, whose strong, driven personalities often clash both in their professional and personal lives. While the instructors struggle to keep their sweaty, dark rooms full, their loyal riders ferociously compete for attention and mixing business with pleasure is always tempting.

As someone who has been to exactly one horrifying, claustrophobic SoulCycle class, this sounds like a show I would not enjoy! As a sidenote, can you imagine having “loyal riders”?

It will be interesting to see whether producers can spin (!) a viable storyline from Nichelle, Nick and Aaron, the three most un-charismatic people who have ever appeared onscreen. If Nichelle shouted “it’s not a pole, it’s a bike!” at me, I probably wouldn’t even cry that much, because she’s just not very believable.

In a recently released clip hyping tomorrow’s premiere, these three toned robots indulge in a hot tub powwow:

Has drinking champagne in a hot tub ever looked less fun? Has anything ever been more boring, or more off-putting? It’s not like this is the first reality show conceived as a publicity device, but this is basically a group of publicists in tiny bathing suits reading off a press release at each other. Trick me better, please!