Dumb Asshole Drops Lawsuit Against Whole Foods

Boy, bye.
Boy, bye.

Jordan Brown, the asshole who claimed an Austin, TX Whole Foods employee wrote “FAG” on his custom single layer chocolate cake has dropped his lawsuit against the grocery store chain, and admitted that no one at the company did anything wrong. In response to the apology, Whole Foods has dropped their $100,000 countersuit against Brown.


Reports The Austin American-Statesman:

“I want to apologize to Whole Foods and its team members for questioning the company’s commitment to its values,” Brown wrote in his statement.

Brown also apologized to his partner, his family, his fellow church members, his attorney and the LGBT community because he said he was “diverting attention from real issues.”

In a response issued Monday, Whole Foods wrote:

Given Mr. Brown’s apology and public admission that his story was a complete fabrication, we see no reason to move forward with our counter suit to defend the integrity of our brand and team members.

This is good news for everyone involved. Whole Foods has been vindicated, Brown will not be completely annihilated by their lawyers in court, and Austinites (I’m a former one) can buy reasonably priced custom cakes downtown without fear of being called a homophobic slur. But before we move on to the next subject of our communal outrage, let’s give Mr. Brown—an asshole—an appropriate sendoff.

For a community facing discrimination (let’s say, the LGBT community) the fight for equality is not one that begins and ends with a single revolutionary act (let’s say, whatever this guy was hoping to do by pretending that someone at Whole Foods wrote “FAG” on his chocolate cake, and then suing them for it). The fight against hate spans generations and borders, and every publicized battle, minor or major, provides the marching pace for the growing number of fighters. When things are grim, this tempo speeds up. When there’s hope, it slows down. And anyone who speeds this pace up for personal gain—manufacturing hate where there was none—takes all of us wildly off-beat.


As a former resident, I can proudly say that Austin is a wonderful place for members of the LGBTQ community to call home. Manufacturing hatred in what is a safe haven for so many in the Southwest—imperfect as it may be—not only makes you look like an asshole, it prevents us from paying attention to real problems happening elsewhere. You don’t need to write “FAG” on a cake to find a problem, Mr. Brown.

Original image via Jordan Brown, illustration via the author.


JujyMonkey: unstable genius

Bobby, I agree with everything you said regarding the destructive nature of Brown’s actions towards a community that faces real challenges on a daily basis, but can we also talk about what kind of weirdo orders a single layer cake?

So, like, a ring ding?