Yeah fucking right you wouldn't have sex with Jennifer Lawrence. You'd have sex with Jennifer Lawrence even if she shaved all her hair off, dipped her scalp in honey, and then rolled around in Dan Hedaya's pube clippings. You know how I know you would have sex with "fat," "man-haired" Jennifer Lawrence? Because you are an insecure, overcompensating, posturing boner whining on the internet about haircuts.


You know what people who like having sex with lots of beautiful women don't do? Make up a bunch of contorted excuses not to have sex with beautiful women. Cover their ears and yell "LA LA LA WELL I DON'T LIKE YOU ANYWAY." Pout in public. Bother with any of this shit.

But just to make sure I'm following this correctly, you're saying that trimming just a few inches off of a beautiful movie star's hair can send you instantly plummeting into furious visions of naked football coaches? U R TRULY THE BEST HETEROSEXUAL EVR.


I'm sure Jennifer Lawrence is crushed.