Dude With World's Biggest Dick Releases Pop Song About His Big Dick

Depending on your tastes and/or the size of your vaginal canal, Jonah Falcon‘s 13.5″ penis is an object of terror. It is also supposedly the world’s biggest cock.

While Jonah’s father is likely proud of his son’s achievement, the rest of the world has yet to be impressed enough to shower Jonah with money. But if you’ve got a song and a dream, there’s always YouTube. In a bid, presumably, to achieve the sort of viral success that translates to a shoebox of $1 bills, Mr. Falcon has released an ode to his sword, the practically unlistenable “It’s Too Damn Big.” The gist, for those who can’t sit through the whole thing, is that his dick is, like, rilly rilly big. No doubt you are furiously masturbating already.