Drunk Contestant Demonstrates How To Not Win The Bachelorette

It's Summertime — do you know what that means? It's time for another hopeful Bachelorette to embark on an awkward "love" adventure for the whole country to watch. After finishing third in Brad Womack's heart on the last season of The Bachelor, Bachelorette Ashley began anew last night. Going down the only road she's ever known!


Meet Tim, a 35-year-old with a penchant for fighting and a definite "Situation" vibe from Long Beach, New York. A wine-n-spirits distributor by trade, we were surprised to see a man who works with alcohol all day end up so completely...sloshed. While every other contestant was vying for some of Ashley's time, Tim was chillin' on the couch all by himself. When the two finally meet, Tim could barely form words to make a full sentence. Sexy.

Illustration for article titled Drunk Contestant Demonstrates How To Not Win The emBachelorette/em

Also worth noting in the clip above is why Jeff, a 35-year-old entrepreneur, is sporting the Phantom look. Jeff explains that it's because he's already a "confident" and "poised" man who simply wants Ashley to judge him based on what's on the inside, because that's what matters on a network television dating show. Obviously.

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Just speaking from past experience, dude's probably an alcoholic.

My wife works in the industry and it's astonishingly common amongst salesmen and distributors. Hearing the stories and then actually meeting some of those people, I'm amazed they can drink so much, stay up so late, and still somehow get up fresh and ready in the morning.