Drake should be having a good week. On Saturday he released a new album and celebrated in London with his parents by his side. A ton of fucking people have listened to said album and Nicki Minaj likes him again. Unfortunately, Drake decided to undermine these blessings with a new tattoo that is somehow the pinnacle of both the outrageous and mundane.
You see, our friend Aubrey tattooed a bottle of Drakkar Noir on his shoulder because nothing says “I’m all about my personal brand, wackness be damned,” like a lifelike rendition of a $20 bottle of cologne on your body.
As RapUp reminds us, Drake’s original twitter handle was @drakkardnoir so at least he’s consistent. If you’re wondering whether Drake is a fan of this cheap ass cologne primarily because it looks similar to his name and makes a semi-clever double entendre, sure looks like it! If that isn’t the Drakiest thing in a sea of incredibly Drake-like behavior then nothing is.
Drizzy is now rivaling my nemesis Ed Sheeran for corniest tattoos that cover too much of his body. If you’ll recall, Drake also has a curiously large tattoo of Aaliyah’s face on his back which I honestly think she would not appreciate as much as Drake hopes she would.
The Drakkar Noir bottle also joins another recent tattoo addition for Drake—a pink hibiscus flower modeled after an emoji. Because there’s nothing cooler than emoji tattoos.
Irritatingly, the flower tattoo is of course silly but also brilliant in its silliness. He literally just picked an emoji that he could use in all his Instagram captions for the next 18 months and created the synergy with his brand by slapping it on his shoulder. It’s ridiculous but it’s also such a commitment to the cause that it’s hard to knock—much like Drake himself.