Dove Encourages You to Hand Your Husband a Pee-Soaked Pregnancy Test, Aw

Illustration for article titled Dove Encourages You to Hand Your Husband a Pee-Soaked Pregnancy Test, Aw

Any good advertiser these days is aware of the intimate tie between heartstrings and purse strings, which is why Dove is trying to get men to buy their deodorant or whatever with a new ad in which women hand their partners positive pregnancy tests. Everyone cries excitedly. Piano music soars. This is getting to be too much, man.


Here’s the ad, via Mashable (and yes, we’re aware Dove doesn’t care how much we shit on this thing, as long as it makes it in front of your eyeballs):

It’s wonderful that these men are excited and even brought to tears about becoming fathers, or, as your bodywash-purveyor puts it, “Care makes a man stronger.” So excited they’re not icked out about handling a urine-soaked plastic stick. So excited, I guess, that they decided to give permission for a private, joyous moment to be monetized and shared with the soap-buying public. (Or are these all staged videos based on the popular “finding out he’s going to be a dad” section of YouTube?)

Pandering to men is just the latest iteration in the emotional branding model of selling you stuff, the same mouthbreathing cousin to the Upworthy-style fauxspirational #content that’s been clogging up your Facebook feed since 2012 or so. Advertisers, depending on how you look at it, have gotten really great at “creating an emotional connection” with their consumers, or, to put it another way, crawling right up in your lizard brain and punching you repeatedly in the tear ducts in order to sell you an anti-stink bar.

And just like every other Dove ad, this one is deeply gendered and as bland as possible — there are no non-heterosexual couples, for example, and nothing that might offend an ad agency’s conception of Middle America. (Correction: a two-second shot of men hugging at the 34-second mark.) The whole point is that caring about becoming a father makes a man “strong,” just like every woman feels ugly and worthless and will cry when you trick her into thinking she’s prettier with help from Dove.

It’s great. I think it’s great. We’re all neat and tidy and we smell like sodium lauroyl isethionate, and when our children are born, God willing, we’ll slather them in Dove too, all over their tiny, future consumer bodies, until they’re old enough to be pandered to with yet another ad about how your soap is the only thing keeping you from being scaly, unsightly and unlovable. Dove is all that’s keeping us feel beautiful and “empowered,” the thin, lightly-moisturizing barrier preventing us from veering off the hygiene cliff and dying alone in a ghastly ravine of perspiration-soaked tissues.

Never stop, Dove. Keep piling on the treacle until we can float away in it, to some soundless, lightless place where there’s no TV or Internet connection or ads about soap.


Contact the author at
Public PGP key
PGP fingerprint: 67B5 5767 9D6F 652E 8EFD 76F5 3CF0 DAF2 79E5 1FB6




Even IF the men were touching their wives’ pee... I mean who gives a fark?

They’ve obviously had sex. Likely oral, anal, could be a variety of other things... you don’t know what they are into. At one point I’m sure one has mopped the other’s vomit off the floor after a “too much fun” night. One’s put hemorrhoid cream on another. Picked a zit on a butt. They are about to go through the GROSSEST thing in teh world, childbirth together where they will be doing all of that for their little one.

I mean touching a little bit of pee on a pregnancy stick is likely one of the LEAST gross things they’ve gone through in terms of bodily functions during their time together.

It’s called LOVE!