Sex. Celebrity. Politics. With Teeth
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Sex. Celebrity. Politics. With Teeth

Dorit Is Doing Her Best to Give the People What They Don't Want

No one cares about your made-up beef with Garcelle, girl!

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Dorit Kemsley, thinking
Screenshot: Bravo

Dorit Kemsley must have been absolutely famished on Wednesday night’s episode of Real Housewives of Beverly Hills when she tried to prep, cook, and serve some imaginary beef all in a single episode. In an attempt to conjure up a storyline for herself from thin air, Dorit set her sights on an unbothered Garcelle, who she complained had been “throwing jabs” at her over the last few months. Dorit even tried to stretch her complaint to its maximum thinness and referred to Garcelle as a bully. Sorry darling, but there’s no tofu on this grillnobody cares about petty side comments when Erika Jayne and her Shakespearean tragedy of a divorce are right there.

While Garcelle has been more vocal this season, the so-called jabs that have been lobbed Dorit’s way are equivalent to an ant throwing a punch at Laila Ali. While sitting at a beautiful table in Crystal’s backyard celebrating the launch of Lisa Rinna’s lip kits, Dorit provided examples of these jabs, which were all just instances of Garcelle taking part in conversations that were happening in a group setting where literally everyone was sharing their opinion. It’s called a conversation, Dorit. Naturally, Garcelle was angry that Dorit was attempting to steamroll her at a group event with ridiculous claims of bullying, but what really set her off was Dorit mentioning the La Quinta Question that shan’t be repeated. 

But honestly, other than Dorit, who cares about any of that? The real drama, the real story fully and entirely revolves around Erika and her divorce. While the other ladies should still try to be interesting, there is simply no point in trying to develop a storyline at this stage in the game. Kyle and Kathy talking about their mom? No time for it. Lisa hanging out with her kids? Send it to TikTok. Everyone confronting Dorit for the umpteenth time because she talks too much? Just send a tweet.

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What the other ladies cannot seem to grasp is that right now, this is the Girardi Show and their best way to get screentime in the remainder of the season is to glom on to Erika and her problems as much as possible. Enough with the pretense that audiences are tuning in to see how these ladies spent their quarantine time. We all lived through it, we want the real tea, and the only person fully delivering that scalding hot liquid is Sutton, Erika’s fellow Georgian and current divorce truther.

The people want Erika and Sutton fighting in their competing Southern accents about reputations and decorum and lawyers, which is exactly what we got for approximately thirty seconds when Erika fired a warning shot at Sutton at Lisa’s lip kit party for even attempting to speak.

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Is anything that Erika is going through Sutton’s business? Absolutely not. But alas, when Erika decided that she was going to try and become financially independent from her wealthy ancient husband after she discovered he was cheating, part of that plan involved getting on this show. So here we all are, minding the business that pays her. Sutton is merely doing a job and playing a role in the same way that Erika has been doing for the last few seasons.

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Trailers for next week allude that Erika will go full Ether next week on Sutton’s ass and I for one cannot wait to see how she reacts. I hope she laughs because nothing will bring me more pleasure than to watch Erika short circuit because she’s trying to be intimidating and the person on the other end gives no fucks.