Screenshot: Urban Outfitters

It’s October 1, and you know what that means—if you don’t have your Halloween costume and party plans already finalized, you’re fucked, kiddo.

Just kidding. There’s still plenty of time to get a killer costume, should you choose. And one such costume you could acquire is this Influencer jawn that’s being sold for $60 from Urban Outfitters. It’s basically just a blonde wig and assorted athleisure, so it could more appropriately be called a Kim Kardashian costume or a generic Yeezy model costume. Never mind that you probably own half of these things (a sports bra, leggings, a zip-up, sneakers, a baseball hat, sunglasses) and/or you are blonde. No matter! What’s $60 to an Influencer (TM) like you?

But wait, wouldn’t an Influencer costume only be complete if you were also making money off of it? Nowhere on the Urban Outfitters page for this costume does it say anything about #sponcon opportunities, the single most defining feature of being an influencer.

Screenshot: Urban Outfitters

Hmm. What Would A Real Influencer Do? Well, they would definitely not let any sort of money-making opportunity go to waste. On principle, I think, you should not buy this costume. It’s a lie. Unless you found some way to monetize it, you too would be a liar. I just call it like I see it.