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On Tuesday, the New York Times published a rather rude blog claiming the drink of the summer is the Aperol spritz, an apéritif built of soda water (fine), prosecco (delicious), and Aperol (god no) because the dark orange, blubby booze is literally everywhere now.

The reason for the Mad Men-era drink’s renewed popularity is capitalism, the Times argues, namely that the makers of Aperol at Campari have noticed growing intrigue in the gross vermouth-y ass liquid and put a lot of money behind it. So, presto, people are drinking more of them and they have become much more common. Campari has been shilling them in the Hamptons and bringing them to music festivals, apparently, like New York City’s Governor’s Ball, so your dorky friends might be into them now, too.

Here’s the thing: I love an alch trend. You should change it up on your own taste buds every once in a while. But Campari? Aperol? That shit ruins wonderful alcoholic drinks, making them unpleasantly bitter. It is literally impossible for a beverage to be both bitter and refreshing. I’d rather down some rosé vodka and deal with the deserved shame.

Don’t even get me started on you Negroni folks. You’re playing with fire.