Donald Trump Tweets 'I Love Hispanics' to Distract From the Fact That He Hates Mexicans

I love this! Donald Trump, a human Kinder Egg whose inner surprise is a tiny pebble of rat shit, is attempting to celebrate the famous Hispanic holiday of Cinco de Mayo by digging into a taco bowl, the food invented thousands of years ago by the ancient Mayans!


There are so many levels to this idiocratic tweet that I feel almost relieved, having finally hit the point where I’m frankly just done with explaining anything about Cinco de Mayo (or Mexican culture, for that matter) to the pinche pendejos out there wearing sombreros to their frat parties; they’re not listening anyway, and if they truly cared at some point later in their small and pathetic lives, they could just look it the hell up on the same internet we all are lucky to have in America, a country that is already pretty great if for that reason alone.

But you’ve also got to know thine enemy, and as we “HISPANICS” all know, Señor Donald J. Frog is our number one, and very clearly the patron saint for any shitty assholes stereotyping Cinco de Mayo for reasons ranging from “young and stupid” (certain college students) all the way to “actual white supremacist who would like to exile essentially all brown people from America” (Trump). It’s heartening to know that if he in fact eats that entire taco bowl, whose grease-saturated visage frankly makes me doubt the quality of the Trump Tower Grill, he is more likely to develop some kind of atherosclerosis that will hopefully somehow boot him from the presidential race.

Speaking of race! Cinco de Mayo is not a “HISPANIC” holiday, but we all know that Trump can’t rightly say “I love Mexicans!” because he does not. He hates Mexicans. And that’s something I’ll never grow tired of explaining.