Sex. Celebrity. Politics. With Teeth
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Sex. Celebrity. Politics. With Teeth

Donald Trump 'So Saddened' to Hear About Hate Crimes, Says 'Stop It'

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Since the outcome of last week’s general election, a hideous surge of hate crimes, racist rhetoric, and bullying has overtaken the nation. Swastikas glare from college dormitory doors. The Muslim community is threatened with unspeakable violence. And the Ku Klux Klan, gleeful in the wake of Trump’s win, is organizing rallies. But—ahem—if I may have the attention of any and all racist misogynist cretins reading this? Donald Trump would like you to knock it off, please.

As CNN reports, president-elect and wimpish moldy muffin Donald Trump appeared on 60 Minutes this Sunday. During the interview, which was conducted Friday, CBS’s Lesley Stahl informed him of the uptick in harassment against Latinos and Muslims.

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“I am saddened to hear that,” he told Stahl. “And I say, ‘Stop it.’ If it — if it helps, I will say this, and I will say it right to the cameras: ‘Stop it.’”

Whoa, he said to stop it! And “right to the cameras” too! A bold move, considering the implied doubt in his remarks —“if it helps.” You better fucking hope it helps, President Trumples, or else the blood shed in your name will intensify. And while we’re on the subject, people are, in fact, being killed, so I’d suggest using stronger language when you next address your crime-committing supporters.

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But perhaps Trump speaks from a place of confusion. After all, he told Stahl that he has only learned of “a very small amount,” say, “one or two instances,” where minorities have been attacked with racist rhetoric. Not that he’s cool with it, though — on the contrary, Trump believes hate crimes are a pretty bad idea.

“I would say don’t do it, that’s terrible,” said the next leader of the free world, “because I’m going to bring this country together.”

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It is terrible, Donald. It’s all really, excruciatingly terrible.