Much the same way that the coal-eyed Ted Danson has been rumored to have a preternaturally enormous penis, there were many whispers that Don Johnson, another 80s symbol for male virility, also boasted quite a large penis. Those rumors about Johnson’s mega-dick abounded until a recent heart-to-heart with Rolling Stone, when he admitted that, truth be told, his dick isn’t that big. At least, it’s not the biggest dick Don Johnson’s ever seen, and, if you believe Don Johnson, he’s seen a lot of dicks:
Look, I’ve seen guys with a lot bigger [penises] than me. One time, I was in the Celtics locker room talking to Larry Bird and Kevin McHale… and there’s Dennis Johnson coming out of the showers and, dude, that’s who put the Johnson in Johnson. I mean, it must have shown on my face, because when I turned back to Larry, he looked at me and said, ‘I know, huh?’ and I was like, ‘Dude, that’s a weapon.’
It’s awfully big of Johnson to debunk rumors that he could use his dick as an improvised lasso or that a firehouse once blushed when it spotted Johnson strolling down South Beach in a white suit, whistling the Miami Vice and casually swinging his penis in his hands like a dog leash. A pettier former heartthrob would have continued to passively trick the world into believing that his surname actually gave rise to “johnson” as slang for the more clinically acceptable phrase “urine noodle.”
Don Johnson Makes Ridiculous Decision To Debunk Well-Endowed Rumor [VH1]