Does This Man Have The Worst Tattoos Ever?

Probably not, but they’re pretty bad! But also kind of fun? Meet Dirk from Seattle! Tonight he will appear on TLC’s America’s Worst Tattoos to show off the terrible ink he’s accumulated throughout his life, mostly thanks to dares from friends.

Again, I wouldn’t say that Dirk’s are the worst tattoos. They’re not racist, homophobic, sexist or offensive in anyway. They’re mostly just silly jokes — like this one of a ham tattooed over his nipple that, naturally, is being clutched in the tiny arms of a T.rex:

His other nipple is tattooed black because apparently that’s what happens in Dirk’s circle when you are the first to get married.

Then there’s this one:

It’s a one foot sausage hanging between his legs, get it? GET IT? (I’ll pray for you.)