I understand why it’s sometimes necessary to try to put a positive spin on the face of true horror, but I also strongly believe that the goal of journalism is to speak truth to power, so here we go: The “spaghetti grilled cheese” is not a sandwich. It’s what’s stuck at the bottom of a medical waste bin after someone failed to shake it into the incinerator. It’s what flies off the back of a Hazmat truck and left to bake on the hot Arizona asphalt after the vultures take one look and say “ew.”

“The mind is its own place, and in it self can make a Heav’n of Hell, a Hell of Heav’n,” Milton wrote in 1667, referring to a Mashable post entitled “Spaghetti and grilled cheese are a match made in sandwich heaven.”

In order to defeat your enemies, it’s first necessary to understand them. So who are you, “sandwich”? Who is your master?

The scrumptious sandwich was created by the head chef at Burnt Crumbs, a gourmet sandwich shop in Orange County, CA, and has made its way to Instagram so as to make the rest of the world collectively drool.

Burnt Crumbs’ head chef came up with this punishment after deciding to “amp up an ordinary grilled cheese one night because he had left-over spaghetti.”

This is not a sandwich. It’s an alien giving birth: