Diverse Vaginas and the Joy of Submission: We Read the Gross Book Written by a High School Girls Basketball Coach So You Don't Have To

A former girls varsity basketball coach and guidance counselor has been put on paid administrative leave for writing a book called It’s Her Fault, which is basically a less cohesive version of The Game, ostensibly for women but filled with ramblings on the vaginas of the world and how to prey on women with low self-esteem, aka “PIMP 101.”

Why did Rich Central High School’s Bryan Craig self-publish a 44-page book (available on Amazon!) about “man law” and the lure of the camel toe? According to the book’s foreword, it’s because he’s spent most of his life around women:

“I coach girls basketball, work in an office where I am the only male counselor, and am responsible for roughly 425 high school students a year, about half of whom are females. Suffice it to say, I have spent a considerable amount of time around, and with, the fairer sex.”

And throughout all this lady hangout time, Craig realized he was hearing the same old “men bashing” even though women have the upper hand in every relationship! Silly women: if your man isn’t fulfilling your needs, it’s YOUR fault (hence the title) for failing to exercise your womanly wiles to your advantage! “I found myself having to teach women that they do, in fact, have the upper hand,” Craig wrote. “It is actually incredibly easy for women to outsmart men, if they know how.”

Gee, thanks, Craig! We shelled out three dollars for his book so you, too, can benefit from his wisdom. Here are some of his tips on how women can control men:

1. Be a stripper. Or at least think like a stripper.

In some cases, strippers and dancers show the overall dominance a woman can have over a man. Not to say that stripping is what has to be done to truly establish dominance, but these women’s mind set is in the right place in order to meet the true potential of the point of this book.

2. Understand that every good man will have to take advantage of women for a few years so that he can one day better love you. It’s the only way.

The easiest kill for a man is through the young lady with low self-esteem. Of course, some will feel this is taking advantage, and yes it is. the ultimate goal for a man is to do all he can to eventually be able to commit and submit to a woman’s power.

In a man’s eyes, this is PIMP 101: how to establish and maintain control over a woman even though she is much stronger…this process is critical for a man to establish manhood and, at some point, become committed to a woman.

3. Camel toe! Even Craig can’t resist a good camel toe.

Sometimes, a woman’s voice and swagger can put men in a trance…the point here is not to be sexually explicit to woo a guy, but to use your entire soul to overthrow the male species. Even though I feel I’m beyond the highest caliber of men, I still have a weakness for cleavage and camel toe. So, if I can be swayed (for only a few seconds of course) most men can be swayed for an eternity.

4. “Don’t go hoeing around the world, but experience things.”

Self explanatory.

5. Don’t talk to men about non-manly things. (Kind of disturbing, coming from a counselor!)

MEN DO NOT LIKE TO CONVERSE ABOUT THINGS UNRELATED TO OUR WORLD. I wish I could say, “deal with it,” but this frustrates women.

6. Be submissive.

Let’s enter the wonderful world of submissiveness. Yeah I know ladies, you all hate that shit. However, it must be in place in order for us to feel some type of power…he’s your man, go ahead and let him turn you every which way, let him touch your hair if he asks, real or not. Give him oral sex without making the “ugh” face.

You submitting to your man can do a world of good. He won’t need to find a dip, he won’t feel the need to resent you, and he won’t feel the need to tell his friends your business.

7. Have a really stressful sounding dating/juggling strategy.

Craig describes the system as “the A through E:” your admirer, your ultimate admirer, your counselor, your sexual release, your ideal. It sounds tiring. “And yes, you can have more than one (sexual release),” Craig notes. “Just be careful, this one could kill you.” Noted!

8. VAGINAS. They come in all shapes and sizes!

Did you know that Craig has slept with a lot of different women? We’re not sure how this relates to the point of the book, but let him tell you something about the vagina:

White women’s vaginal walls are almost exactly regular pink, and the heat value is very average, but usually more moist than others. Asian women have a smaller vagina, which is standard in color. The size of a vagina usually adds to a man’s ego as far as penis size is concerned. Darker black women have hot pink vaginal walls. Lighter black women have lighter pink vaginal walls and they’re typically warmer than that of the darker ladies. Black women in general have more meat surrounding their vagina than other races, which shows more camel toe form with clothes on. Latin women’s vaginal walls are very similar to light-skinned women, but they are much warmer.

Craig resigned from his coaching position on Friday and was put on paid administrative leave pending an investigation, according to the Southtown Star. Now, the community is conflicted: sure, the book is creepy as all hell, especially coming from a man who’s supposed to be mentoring young adults, but can he actually be fired for dispensing shitty relationship advice? Probably not, according to a lawyer interviewed by the paper; unless the school finds that Craig incorporated the book into his curriculum, he’s legally allowed to write and publish whatever he wants when he’s off campus.

A few of Craig’s former students spoke to the paper about what a good guy he was and how the book — which they think he wrote because he was “bored” or trying to make money — has nothing to do with his skills as a coach and counselor. But if Craig was inspired to write the book because of the time he’s spent “surrounded by women” — as he says himself in the book’s foreword — it seems unlikely that his feelings about human interaction wouldn’t affect his relationships with his students in some way. It makes sense that parents wouldn’t want their kids around this guy; not because he attempted to write an encyclopedic chapter about vaginas, but because of his ideas about sexual power, emotional manipulation, and sexist stereotypical differences between men and women.

H.S. girls hoops coach put on leave after penning graphic book on sex, women [Southtown Star]