Disney, I Beg of You, Do Not Ruin Mary Poppins

The above teaser trailer for Mary Poppins Returns debuted during an Oscars commercial break tonight, and it is just as frustratingly cryptic as the rest of the details that have trickled out about this film thus far.


The trailer certainly looks good. It is appropriately grim, as befitting its setting in Depression-era London. It features an impeccably-costumed Emily Blunt as Mary Poppins, Lin-Manuel Miranda as a lamplighter named Jack, Emily Mortimer and Ben Whishaw as Jane and Michael Banks, and some children, though there was no sign of the cast member I’m most excited for (Angela Lansbury, duh) or Dick Van Dyke, Meryl Streep, Julie Walters or Colin Firth, who are all in the cast as well.

Still, I have my reservations. Julie Andrews, the only True Mary Poppins in my heart, will not appear in this reboot, unless Disney is planning a very good surprise. So far, we don’t know much about the plot, other than that Mary Poppins reportedly makes her return to the Banks household “following a personal loss.” What is the personal loss? Is Mr. Banks dead? Is Bert dead?? Is the pigeon lady dead??! IS THIS DOG DEAD??!!! I need to know what happened to the dog!

I am also slightly concerned about Miranda’s inclusion in the film—obviously, he is a great talent, but he also has the unending earnest enthusiasm of a high school theater kid, and I am not optimistic about how that will translate onscreen. But we’ll find out if Disney destroyed the childhoods of legions of OG Poppins fans soon enough—Mary Poppins Returns will premiere next Christmas, which is coming much quicker than my unpaid taxes would like to believe.



pibber can't swim

Luckily for me Mary Poppins was ruined when I was 7 and had to do a tap dance to chim chim cheree in a white and orange polka dotted tulle disaster. There’s photo evidence framed in my dad’s house.

Disney, have at it.