Dirty Mudbloods Allowed to Mingle with Purebred Dogs at Westminster

The Westminster Dog Show, a 138-year-old institution dedicated to preserving the once functional deformities produced by humanity’s ancient breeding experiments with gray wolves, broke tradition last night and let, for the first time in a century, mixed breed dogs compete next to their purebred counterparts. The result, of course, was utter chaos.

Not really. I mean, I’m sure there was some truculent gentleman somewhere having an angry drink with his framed picture of Mussolini, but the inclusion of mixed breed dogs was a welcome addition to a spectacle that can (let’s be honest) get a little weird, especially when it comes time for a dog judge to verify the structural integrity of an animal’s genitals.

To be clear, mixed breed dogs were only allowed to compete in the agility competition, which they obviously loved. Westminster received more than 600 entries for top-performing agility dogs, and 225 spots were given out at random. A mere 16 of those spots went to mixed breeds, or, as Westminster snidely calls them (with what we should all assume is a vaguely Continental accent) “All-Americans.”