Did Donald Trump Say 'Fart' While Reciting the Pledge of Allegiance or What? An Armchair Investigation

Illustration for article titled Did Donald Trump Say 'Fart' While Reciting the Pledge of Allegiance or What? An Armchair Investigation
Screenshot: C-Span

Alongside his favorite AI mannequin Melania, fanatic fan of empty patriotic gestures Donald Trump attended an event in Pennsylvania Friday to honor the anniversary of 9/11. At the gathering, they were asked to perform the very simple task of reciting the pledge of allegiance. The pledge, which any child in first grade can recite in English, Spanish, and, in some states, ASL, was performed in the only way a Donald Trump performance can go down: hideously, with an over-protrusion of his teeth.


Melania makes no effort to recite the anthem, which, if she were a basketball player would be a huge fucking deal. Meanwhile, Donnie Teeth can’t keep pace with the announcer and seems to be saying the words just after he hears them like I do when I’m trying to memorize Megan Thee Stallion’s verse on WAP. Upon watching this video with the sound off, the only words I can make out from staring at this disintegrating orange peel are, “elevation,” “watch,” and “foreskin.” If you look really closely to Trump’s mouth (do at your own risk!) it appears as if he’s saying fart instead of “for all” at the end.

So does the President of the United States know any of the words to the national pledge or is he just repeating the key phrases to make it look like he knows? More importantly, will he be demanding Melania’s firing to distract from his incompetency? It’s only fair.


TampaBabaYaga 2021 Edition

Why is it, whether it be this, or the National Anthem (no he doesn’t know the words to either, and no we didn’t used to put our hands over our hearts for the latter) he cannot stand still. He always has to sway back and forth like a first grader that has to go potty but forgot before class started.

Also, also? So Meanie, ooops typo, Melanie has just completely given up? No makeup, didn’t have her hair done etc.? If she ever needed that “I Really Don’t Care” coat, apparently now is the time.