Oh, America. When you love something enough, you're willing to overlook basic logic to keep it going. Hence, we face an all new season of Jersey Shore that will take place...somewhere other than the actual Jersey Shore. But where?!
According to MTV, the Jersey Shore crew has signed on for a second season, though they won't be selling super-classy t-shirts and breaking teeth on the boardwalk again, choosing instead to "escape the cold Northeast and find themselves in a new destination." Said destination hasn't been revealed just yet, Gumshoes, but here are a few suggestions.
Option 1: Cancun
- Pros: No shortage of places to drink or dance, gives MTV option to bring back Spring Break-type spin-off programming, such as "The Grind," starring The Situation in place of Eric Nies, plenty of opportunities for fist fights and over-dramatic makeups, home audience gets to drink every time someone on screen yells "Spring Break!!!! Owwwww!"
- Cons: Humidity might not suit Snooki's bump, possibly too hot for a hot tub, might have to put up with skeevy Joe Francis cameo, home audience will be black-out drunk 30 seconds into the first scene.
Option 2: Siberia
- Pros: Definite need for a hot tub, justification for in-home tanning bed, fist-pumping and hard liquor become absolute necessities for body-warming purposes and therefore must be used in extreme quantities.
- Cons: It's really fucking cold, bro.
Option 3: Rome
- Pros: Legitimate chance for MTV to explore cultural differences by sending a group of stereotypical Italian-Americans to Italy to experience culture shock in several ways, plenty of places to drink and dance, watching The Situation be shown up by Italian dudes on a nightly basis.
- Cons: Ronnie is imprisoned for 148 years by Silvio Berlusconi after beating the shit out of someone outside of a nightclub, too many romantic montages featuring Sammi and Ronnie riding around on scooters, Paulie D realizes they don't sell his hair gel overseas and has an emotional breakdown, the Grenade is too far away to crash the party yet again.
Option 4: Los Angeles
- Pros: For all the shit Snooki has talked about The Hills, it might be fun to see her take on her enemies face to face.
- Cons: Everything. This is a bad idea and, sadly, the most likely to happen, as the cast reportedly wants to move out to LA to launch their "careers" anyway. It will be slickly packaged and fake and dumb and will include crossovers from the likes of Kristen Cavallari and Heidi Montag. It will be like that season of Laguna Beach that took place after Lauren left. Remember that? No? Exactly. be prepared for this to happen, though, as it's the place where all of the inevitable spin-offs will be born.
Option 5: Road Rules Revival
- Pros:: Always the Jan Brady to The Real World's Marcia, Road Rules started out strong but then devolved into a craptacular series that lives on in name only, via the MTV "Challenge" series that rounds up the worst people from reality television and forces them to play poor man's Survivor against one another whilst drunk and belligerent. However, putting the Jersey Shore crew in a Winnebago and sending them on a cross-country road trip (with stops for GTL and dancing, naturally) could be hilarious and pretty great television.
- Cons:: I'm not sure you can hook a duck phone up in a Winnebago, can you?
Have any other suggestions? Feel free to leave them in the comments.