Demi Lovato: It Was ‘Exhausting’ to Educate People About Being Nonbinary All the Time

Demi Lovato came out as nonbinary and asked the general public to use “they/them” pronouns when talking about them back in May 2021. But now, Lovato has revealed that they’d added “she/her” back to their pronoun list for a bummer of a reason: They “got tired” of justifying being nonbinary and using these pronouns.

“I constantly had to educate people and explain why I identified with those pronouns,” Lovato told GQ Spain in an interview published in Spanish on Tuesday. “It was absolutely exhausting. And that is one of the reasons that led me to also feel comfortable with the feminine pronoun. I just got tired.”

I hate that this experience seems to be a quintessential one for gender-nonconforming people. Simply existing as a nonbinary person doesn’t feel like an option—there are always people with just one question, just one suggestion. Instead of being a person, they’re forced to be emblems. That’s even more true when you add in Lovato’s fame and visibility. Being a publicly trans or nonbinary person sounds exhausting and that’s before you actually get to any of the laws specifically trying to eradicate your existence.

In May 2021, Lovato posted a promo for their podcast, in which they also announced their gender identity. “This has come after a lot of healing and self-reflective work. I’m still learning and coming into myself, and I don’t claim to be an expert or a spokesperson,” they said. “Sharing this with you now opens another level of vulnerability for me.”

By August 2022, Lovato added “she/her” to their pronouns—but after Tuesday’s interview, it’s unclear how comfortable the singer really is with them.

“I face this every day. For example, in public toilets. Having to access the women’s bathroom, even though I don’t completely identify with it,” Lovato told GQ Spain. “Or it also happens when filling out forms, such as government documents or any other where you have to specify your gender. You only have two options, male and female, and I feel like none of that makes sense to me.”

In order to combat the hate that prompted American lawmakers to introduce more than 300 anti-trans bills in state legislatures across the country this year, Lovato said they will continue talking about being nonbinary, advocating for gender-neutral options, and encouraging people to vote for supportive causes and politicians. “For that very reason I know that it is important to continue spreading the word,” they added.